Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I Apologize...

If y'all have already seen this.

But I think I'll take another look.

A question for my lawyer...

Is this legally acceptable grounds for a divorce?

Thanks MeadowGirl!

Saturday, February 25, 2012


When you see it...you'll scream pedophile.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


We loved this email we got to our mailbag today! Poland Twelve Points!

"Helloooo Rob's Closet's ninjas ;)

I'm your secret psychotic follower. I think there's no other way with Rob's Closet - loyal, wild and definately psychotic :) But for the first time I'm writing to You. And for the first time with a little funny tip:

This is an old polish interview with Rob about Eclipse. Seems normal, right? Rob interviewed by a woman, about Eclipse, bla bla. But Rob admits he's learing polish (for the Water for Elephants) and he gives a sample of it. 0:23' "Podnies nogÄ™"...

and I got hysterical! "Podnies nogÄ™" means "Lift your leg" ! and he said that to a woman.

I want to be that woman! I can lift my leg! Both of them!

Sinfully... I mean sincerely yours,


Thanks Mnemosyne (isn't that the name of Bellwards baby?)

It's This is Thucking Disgusting Thursday!

Shhhh...don't stare straight at it. It bites when it's nervous.

Thanks to Gonna_Eat_Me_Alot_Of Peaches!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Oh the humanity...the Apocalypse

Wait...wait...before you freak out, this is NOT supposed to be some deformed version of Dylan McDermott (was he maimed at the end of American Horror Story?!) This is, in fact, our own fearless antagonist, Mr. Pattinson himself!

Commence with the brain-explosion...you've earned it...

Monday, February 20, 2012

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Friday, February 17, 2012

Thursday, February 16, 2012

It never gets old...

...making jokes about uncomfortable plotholes.

Jackson: I fucking love him but...

...what the fuck is that on his leg?!

It would appear he has a bottle of Heinz tomato ketchup tattooed on his calf. Now, I love Heinz tomato ketchup as much as the next person - but not enough to have it permanently inked onto my body.

Could this be yet another consequence of the infamous whiskey competition that he's going to be stuck with for the rest of his life...?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Oh the humanity...Part 3

It's a two-for-one this time, ladies...

But two wrongs don't make a Taylor. *rimshot*

Circle of Truth

Yes Kellan, you may well look sheepish. Clearly you are very excited to be surrounded by such lovely laydeez...

The Circle of Truth never lies!

Thanks Pau!

Kiowa: I fucking love him but...

...I don't think Rob's Closet will be launching 'Touche Tuesday' any time soon.


Make it stop.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Caption contest...

Get your funny fingers out and type us a hilarious caption to this pic in the comments below.
Go.  Be hilarious.

Shag Me Sunday...

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Adventures in DVD Grabbing

So, Breaking Dawn Part 1 finally came out on DVD last night at midnight in America.

Here's what you missed if you didn't (gasp) go out and get your copy...

See? Even guys from Jersey Shore are Twi-hards.

Occasionally, you have to cut a bitch.

Success! Fuck those other people.

The Wal-Mart as Twilight Fans stormed it at midnight. Oops...RIP, Wal-Mart. At least I got my 458,327 copies (with collectible wedding packaging included.)

What would yoouuu doooo?

Dear Steph...


I mean, come on lets think about it? How is Bella's stomach now? Surely, in that lovely operating environment where they even had a gurney, there would have been a nice smooth scalpel? No? Ah surely.  I mean did the girl really deserve to have her poor little tummy eaten open?  Really?

Surely there was another way....

Friday, February 10, 2012

Oh the humanity...part 2

Hold onto your wife-beaters, ladies. The same darling that pencil-whipped Chernobyl Radiation Disaster Victim Jackson brings us this beautiful specimen. Fuck me running backwards with a spatula!

Will the real Kellan Lutz please stand up?! Right?*

*I swear to all that is holy I will not rest till this woman's fucktard fellow artists stop giving her "clappyfaces"...

Bikeward and Bellacle.

So Bean posted the other day an Etsy link for the weird ass Twilight bike picture, and well, being unemployed and bored I googled BIKE + EDWARD + BELLA in various combinations and quickly realised that this is a fetish that is pur-itty popular out there in the interweb land.

 If you are going to do it, spend some time please...
The little heads freak me out...
 This one just pisses me off
Yay! No.

I've nothing to say.  Except stop it.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Okay. Let's put this baby to bed.

So...I've been a bit preoccupied since I heard about Jackson and his new girlfriend. Sorry guys.

So this is all I'm going to say about the matter...

What...too soon?

Twangies on Thursday...


The Cuntness Continues...

Another day, another Catherine Hardwicke interview where she is blabbing on about Crapsten. Seriously woman, aren't you a movie director - go direct some fucking movies and stop telling the world about how you're responsible for creating The World's Hottest Couple TM.

The latest crap to spew out of her mouth is how she feels guilty for breaking up RC's favourite couple in the whole universe ever, Stewregano.

She whined: "Michael's a wonderful actor. He was in Dogtown, one of my favourites, so I felt pretty bad because I love him, and they were such a great couple."

That's right, Cathy, they were a great couple! Look what you did you silly moo! *wipes tear* Since Kristen dumped Michael for Rob I have hardly been able to get out of bed in the morning! *sobs* I mean, who is poor Oregano going to smoke his bong with now? *sniffles* Life is just meaningless these days! AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! *snots everywhere*

All I have to ease the pain is my memories... [cue video]

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

No Matter How Bad Things Seem...

Rob's always there to make it better. Love you bitches.

Rob versus....

...Daniel Radcliffe.

So I was googling the other day and spotted something which at first looked as though I had stumbled on a new Bel Ami still so you can image my scream when in fact I found myself, hand down pants, looking at none other than Harry Potter (I never say that in any other voice but Hagrids) himself!

Oh dear.

It was quite the shock...

So... who do you think does the 19th century better? Our Rob or dear ole Dan?

Happy Hump Day!

[Image source]

Holy Twinity: I fucking love them but...

...why can't they do magazine covers like this?

(I suspect the cockblockers at EW may have airbrushed out Damon's buttcrack though...)

I don't know about you lot, but this was just what I needed to relight my Damon fire. He's been going a bit soft in recent episodes of Vampire Diaries, and while Stefan might be trying to take over the bad boy mantle, he's about as convincing as the time Mark Owen went 'grunge' in his post-Take That solo career. (For our Stateside readers, think Justin Bieber trying to do death metal.) 

Now that I come to think of it, Damon's not the only bad boy vamp to wimp out on us lately - what about Amnesiac Eric in the latest season of True Blood? Airy-fairy 'lovemaking' with Sookie in the snow - er, hello? That's not the wham-bam-fuck-you-maam vampire we know and love!

For all their (many) faults, at least Stephenie Meyer and Cougar Cathy had the good sense to kill of James before he turned into a wuss...
"I'm so fucking badass I don't even need a shirt."

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


This one goes out to all my bitches having a hard time dealing with reality right now. Represent.
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