Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Hmmm... Sound familiar?

Wanna read the funniest fanfic since we discovered the story by She Who Shall Not Be Named? Well, look no further!

Wait-what?! This isn't a fanfic? Oh, that's right, it's a "story" for Seventeen magazine by Nikki Reed.

Here's an extract:

"It had been almost a year since we began dating, but nobody knew about us. Sometimes I would bring it up casually, but he always found a way to twist and turn his words until they morphed into a theory that seemed to make sense. He was good with his words, and I was good at coming up with reasons to believe them...At the time it made sense, because he was convincing when he spoke about privacy being a persons number one priority. Sometimes I would tell him half jokingly that I wanted to scream it out to the world on a megaphone, because that’s what being in love made me feel like doing. He never smiled at that."

There's something really familiar about this tale... I just can't quite put my finger on it... Any thoughts?

Is it sad that I want to know what this smells like, and if it was even just kinda nice I think I'd wear it...

Oh no WAIT, wait, wait, wait a minute.... does it smell like fucking FREESIAS? I bet it smells like fucking freesias.  Oh its so gay I cannot believe it.  Stephanie Meyer says that about Bella in the books right? Hmmm.  I know Bella is based on her right? Same hair, eyes, etc... So I wonder was Stephanie once told she smelled like Freesias... or probably more likely 'Smelled like a Freesian" and she misheard.  The silly cow.


Some Twitards really do make it too easy for us. 

We literally don't know where to start with this picture. The fact that she appears to have an erect penis inked on her hipbone? That Bella seems to be peeking out from her butt? Or maybe just that YOU SHOULD HAVE USED SOME FUCKING DEODORANT!!

Sweat like that is only acceptable when it's dripping off one of the Twi-guys.

Dear Diary...

Someone handed in this diary to our offices this morning thinking it belonged to one of us.  You can see why... but no, its not ours and so we are posting this appeal for the owner of this item to come forward.

It has no name on it but the first page reads like this.... so if you recognise the owner or its your diary don't hesitate to get in touch.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Monkey Monday

Hmm... So Ben G asks for a unicorn before he goes on stage. Any volunteers to help him out with that?


via jrathbonefb

This picture makes me so fucking horny.

See her little balled up fist...
I do.
If I was her I'd be balling that fist too.
...not all I'd be balling.
And I'd be fucking bawling.


...Who is this nerd and what has he done with Kellan?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Jacob Black gets his dream job!

Shag Me Sunday

Fingerporn to the max.


You know we belong together... Or not

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past couple of weeks (or, more likely, holed up in a cinema watching Breaking Dawn on repeat), you will have noticed Kellan's new girlfriend. It's really hard not to, as they have been publicly sucking face on red carpets EVERYWHERE. Her name is Sharni Vinson and she is a definite improvement on McWhore. But there's a couple of things that are bothering me about this 'romance'...

1) Kellan is dating CASSIE OFF OF HOME AND AWAY!! This won't mean anything to our Stateside readers, I'm sure. But for those of us who have grown up watching the Aussie soap (and who sometimes confuse fiction and reality, as us Twitards are wont to do...), this absolutely BLOWS MY MIND. It's worse than the time I found out Kim off of Home and Away had morphed into Thor. Or when Tasha off of Home and Away turned into an evil Transformer. And don't even get me started on the time when Vinnie off of Home and Away showed up naked in True Blood. For those of you who don't recognise Cassie after her Hollywood makeover, she was the skinny one with the lollipop head, who was last seen leaving to travel the world with Sally after getting HIV from Henk. Clearly, this was a good move.

Elizabeth Reaser had serious competition in the Biggest Fivehead Awards.
2) The KLutz seems a little too keen on the old PDA's. Show him a red carpet and he can't keep his filthy paws (or lips) off her. Yet when they go out for Orange Mocha Frappucinos, they are barely touching. Not to mention the fact that Cassie's body language shows she's not that comfortable with Kellan publicly snogging her all the time. It could be that...


 So now all we need is to come up with a good couple name for the 'lovebirds' - Crapson? Vincrap? Craptzon? Tell us your ideas in the comments section below!

Sleighbells swing, are you listening?

Its true, its happening, AGAIN.  It's going to be Christmaaaaas - my absolute favorite time of year! The time when I spend all my money on soap and calendars for other people.  And they spend all their money on things for me (that would normally cost a couple of Euro but because some three year old chinese kid has stitched the word 'Twilight' on it in silver thread its costing fifty quid).  But fuck it - its the season of goodwill toward AAE.

So I thought I would kick it off with this little season sampler...

Yes he is back - its Clausward.  And don't we fucking love him.  He is jush sho keyoosh.  I would like nothing more than to play with his sack and hum a Christmas carol or two, I can tell you....


Saturday, November 26, 2011


So we're just back from the Annual General Meeting and it was very exciting to discuss where Robs Closet will go in 2012.  There was a few hiccups, but only from laughing at Robs hair and Nikkis wedding pics.  So stick with us for another year, dear readers, and lets see where we go!

Lots of Love, AAE xxx

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Shag Me Sunday: Rathboner Special

 This is a painless, less fatal alternative to bleaching your brain after seeing his premiere outfit.

Life is good again.

Shag Me Sunday

Tongueporn in Berlin.

Oh Rob, du bist sexy!

Image via Robsessed

No, Chon, No.

I take back everything I said about the fashion fails in the last post - at least they made an effort. Unlike this bag lady from Tesco, who randomly turned up at the premiere in her charity shop ensemble. 


BD Premiere: One Big Fashion Fail

I've been out of town for the past few days (bad timing, I know), so as you would expect I've spent the day watching Breaking Porn and catching up on all the Twi-news from the past week (there's A LOT). It was all going very nicely until I came across photos of the LA premiere - and before you could say 'FASHION FAIL', I'd spat my coffee all over my laptop. 


Kellan got himself a nice spray-on goatee to go with his spray-on tan (and don't even get me started on his spray-on girlfriend...). Jackson, meanwhile, seemed to think it was still Halloween - at least, I hope that's his excuse. I have just about forgiven him for the MTV Movie Awards debacle... *shudders*

Charlie B-Cups finally put away his cleavage but decided to cover up for the first time with some kind of leather straightjacket. Kinky...not. And Mike Newton thought he could take advantage of his new weight loss to get away with a bowtie. Mike, here's news for you buddy - not even Rob could get away with THAT.

And it wasn't just the boys. Poor Tinsel Korey clearly thought she was entering a Miss World contest. Stick to making muffins, love. And ex-Eastenders actress Judi Shekoni showed her dress sense really hasn't improved since the British Soap Awards (which is probably back where she'll end up in a couple of years' time).  

Thursday, November 17, 2011


There are actually no words... none... none at all.  There is however a full body facepalm.

Crazy fan people.  Stop it. 

I swear this will give me fucking nightmares.  Deedee ain't got nothing on this looney.

Thanks to everyone who sent this in

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Caption contest...

Come up with a caption that receives the most likes and will be the funniest bitch we know, until the next one! Yay! Go - think - comment!


Robs Closet are looking for a permanent blogger to begin blogging with us this winter!


Its not scary, its not hard and its lots of fun! The position is open to anyone, whether you've blogged for us before or not, and only has a few requirements which are:

You must be internet and computer savvy - can you save pictures to your hard drive? Know what an URL is? Do you understand the basics of HTML (you don't need to write it, just know about it)? Can you find things quickly online? Can you use word processors without fuss?

Can you follow instruction?

You must be willing to adapt to the RC style, we do things a certain way, the look of the posts, the humor, the size of pictures etc...

We like them this size. The photos...  

You must have a seriously fucked up sense of humour.

If this doesn't make you LOL then you should leave.

Does your mind stray to the most fucked up places when you see these people? 

Kellan is such a dawg

What do you reckon? Wanna give it a go?

If so email me AAE at for more information!

Circle of Truth

Breaking news: Jackson Rathbone is, in fact a Ken doll.

I can think of no other reason how he can possibly sit comfortably like that. The Circle of Truth never lies!

Now excuse me while I go mourn the loss of Jackson's junk...

Twangies-Tuesday... Sweet lord I need a defibrilator

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I dunno about you but I am very excited about this movie...

And by excited I obviously mean horny as fuck for Chris Helmsworth...

Shag Me Sunday: Rob talks dirty

As the Breaking Porn publicity circus spirals out of control, I'm finding myself a little overwhelmed. Too many interviews, too little time! What with work, socialising, and my rigorous schedule of humping my Edward manllow, I simply cannot get around to watching the 1,345 video interviews which are floating around on the interweb at the moment. 

So thanks to MegO for finding us the one video we need to watch: Rob talking about "thrusting", "penis" and "just the tip." 

In front of his parents. 

Fucking. Hilarious.

A formal apology

It's not often we hold our hands up and say sorry here at Rob's Closet. But we feel it's appropriate on this occasion to apologise to Mike Newton for pointing out he'd been eating more twinkies than Stephenie Meyer and apparently giving him some kind of eating disorder.

Boy got SKINNY!!

And dare I say it... a teensy bit hot.

Would ya?! 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

What. The. FUCK?

Okay so I'm on Pinterest.  And today I was busy pinning all the shit when I saw this fucking picture staring back at me from another pinners profile.  This is her profile picture.  WHAT. THE.FUCK? Is she shitting Twilight books now? Or laying them? I don't get it.  Do you get it? What the fuck is she trying to say? Tell me.  Below.  Now. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Twilight Vs The Hunger Games

I know it's being billed as "the new Twilight" but this Vanity Fair photo shoot of the The Hunger Games cast is giving me serious deja vu...

OK, so there might be some similarity between the two stories - namely the two guys/one girl dilemma - but I can think of one big difference between them: I don't want to bonk anyone in the top picture.

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