Monday, October 24, 2011

Monkey Monday: Fro of Death

If a song about Ben Johnson's hair doesn't make a Happy Monday, then Jerad's happy dance will. Cuteness.


via JRathboneFB/Cambio

Sunday, October 23, 2011


Well, that's one way to terrify the grandkids...

Thanks MC!


The uproar that my last post created concerns me.  WHAT THE FUCK?? HAVE YOU ALL LOST YOUR MINDS?

Since when has what a guy thinks or believes EVER got in the way of us eye-fucking the shit out of him?

If I agree that there never was dinosaurs and that Jesus is my best friend can we have naked time?

Since when has a virginal state EVER meant we can't think dirty about his hot body?

No silly, thats my position not yours... Aw


You can pretend as much as you like that you wouldn't jump this fine set of bones but you are convincing nobody... This man is HOT.

You got a thing against the Disney brigade?? Seriously??? They can't move on, mouse ears forever?? Really?  You sure?

Somebody better take my Ryan poster down asap.

Seriously girls... we have no criteria, do we? If he is hot, he IS hot.  We don't care about his personality, we leave that to the DeeDees of the world with their "What I love most about Rob is his personality" - Yeah Right, the size of his bulge has nothing to do with it.  I have never cared about Robs ideas or wishes, and frankly it creeps me out when people talk about him like he is someone they know.  I just wanna see hot pictures to get my twangies.  And that goes for the Pauls, the Taylors, the Zacs AND the Joes.  Okay?

P.S. Its Jonas brotherS, right? S plural? Whats the other one like?

Shag Me Sunday: KLutzinator Special


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Explanation Puh-LEESE.

Right.  Girls.  I need you guys to explain something to me.

I am neither American, nor a ten year old girl so the issue of the Jonas Brothers is actually one where my sole education of the subject comes from Robs Closet.  We don't like them, right? We make fun of them, right?

Well can one of you please, please, please tell me now... What exactly is the fucking problem because seriously? This guy? I would like to see some garden dew all over his sweet lips I can tell you that right now.

I sense a Rob versus... coming up any day.  *Wipes brow* Though to be honest I don't know if my fallopian tubes can take it.

Screw Me Saturday: For the Wolf girls

Can I get a "Grrrrrrrrrrr"?

This has to stop

Beardward is getting dangerously close to TomStu levels of hobo-ness. Not good.

It's only a matter of time before a little bird makes a nest in there... and I'm not talking about KStew.

Do you think we'd be able to hire Frizzy Haired Skank to attack  His Hairiness again - this time with a Gilette?

via Socialite Life

Monday, October 17, 2011

Monkey Monday: Birthday Special

What better way to celebrate our 2nd birthday than with 100 Monkeys in their "birthday suits"... sort of.


Party Poopers

Picture the scene: You have an all important birthday coming up and you want to celebrate with the party to end all parties. The venue's booked, the guests of honour have RSVPed, and you've picked out an outfit that makes your legs look longer than KStew's. Then some bi-atch goes and ruins it all by having a shotgun wedding on the same day.

Yeah, congrats Nikki and Paul. We hope you had a really special day in Malibu. While you're consummating your marriage, spare a thought for AAE, RIMR and Bean, who are currently rocking in a corner at their empty birthday bash 'cos all the guests went to your do instead. Thanks a bunch.

So to cheer us up, we're going to watch the video of last year's party ('cos let's face it, that's the only way we're ever going to remember what really happened that night...)

How old are we today KStew?

That's right! Girl, can count. Rob's Closet is two years old today! 


Friday, October 14, 2011

Circle of Truth

After spending, oh I don't know, about three hours salivating over Jasper in his tux WITH GOOD HAIR, my eyes drifted over to one of the random wedding guests, who was clearly thinking: "Lucky bitch. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!"

Seriously, how pissed off does she look? You're at a Cullen wedding for gawd's sake! 

At the very least you know there's gonna be a decent buffet.

via People magazine

Fuck Me Friday





Thursday, October 13, 2011

KELLAN: I fucking love him but...

...not when he raids AnnaLynn McWhore's wardrobe.

via Perez Hilton

Rob's Dirty Laugh...

...has just made my Thursday.

Incidentally, who the fuck is that in the waterfall with Edward and Bella?! Well, you know what they say... three's a party...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Happy Hump Day!


Confession time..., you know how I never fail to mention that Jennifer Love Hewitt is my book bella? I still think she would be a fab Bella Swan, think of her in all those teen movies she did in the 90's...

But I never really mentioned who my book Edward was... and to be honest I still cannot believe it myself... now bear in mind, it was one of those situations where I tried to shake it and start again but I couldn't shake it fully... he just kept appearing.

Now I feel that finally I need to admit it.   My name is AAE and...

...Gregory Smith was my book Edward.

It was the description, the spiky hair... the pale skin... I was watching Everwood at the time and just happened.

Any of you have weird book characters? Who was your Esme? Emmet? Alice?

Let us know below!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Is it just me...?

...or has Marcus Volturi turned into Michael Bolton circa 1990?

I guess it's an improvement on the Burger King look... probably.

Another reason to hate Stephanie Meyer...

Okay so what do we have so far?

1) She is far too smug
Look at that smug puss, I'd like to slap it.

2) She has dreadful dress sense
You have a billion euro - hire a stylist for fucks sake.

3) She asked for a part in the movie... that was just sad.

Whats even sadder is that she blogged that she was writing BD here... What a dick.

4) She believes truly that the reason we love Twilight is because of the story line.
Silly Stephanie...

5) She is a millionaire and still eating from TacoBell.

Oh and she wrote the book responsible for me being charged extra on my 
bin tax for dumping such a pile of horseshit.

And now...

6) Her fat arse got to press against Robs thigh as she wedged it between Rob and Kristen.  That is my dream Stephanie you fucking whore! MY DREAAAMMM!

I actually hate her. *sobs*

Monday, October 10, 2011

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Dakota: I fucking love her but...

Remember when you were under age and you used to get all dressed up to look older so you'd get into a bar?

Well, I think ickle Dakota took the idea a bit too far...

Dakota, honey, Betty White called - she wants her dress back.

Kellan was not happy when the Twi-tards finally got their hands on him

via Kellan Lutz Online

Friday, October 7, 2011

Xavier: I fucking love him but...

...what the fuck is that on his head?

It's like Jasper and Rosalie's New Moon fright wigs mated and had a bastard wig-child. 


Fuck Me Friday

In the words of Chandler Bing (sort of): "Could he BE any more beautiful?"

From bruslave via Robsessed

Hair Fail

As the Breaking Dawn publicity circus starts to gain momentum, the latest Twilight merchandise - a range of hair styling tools to make your hair look like it was coiffed by the Cullens - has left me completely dumbfounded. 

Why on earth would anyone want to make their hair look like a crap wig?! 

There's tongs, curlers and a sparkle gun (probably) to make you look like Bella, Edward, Esme, Alice and Rosalie. 

Funnily enough, there's no 'tool' to make your hair look like Jasper's (I can't think why...), so we've decided to invent our own....

I reckon we could be onto a real moneyspinner here!

Thanks Samantha!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Erm, Jackson...

...I don't think that's how you're supposed to use an iron.

If this is some lame sauce attempt to get me to sign up as your sex slave home help, you really need only have asked.

But then again, you never really did get the hang of ironing, did you...?

Burning question of the day

Something's really troubling me about TayTay's latest photo shoot for GQ Australia, but I can't quite put my finger on it... Could it be:

a) He looks like something out of Bugsy Malone (a little kid playing dress up in his dad's suit)?

b) He looks like a Ken doll?

or c) his hand seems to be doing some wishful thinking? It's like the air guitar equivalent of a crotch grab - trying to play with something that's not really there.

Don't worry Taylor - one day you'll grow up to be a real GQ motherfucker like Rob.

Stewy: I fucking love her but...

...she really shouldn't wear her Spanx out in public.

Who am I kidding? She even looks wowza in Spanx. Bitch.

via GQ

Monday, October 3, 2011

100 Monkeys: I fucking love them but...

...they totally stole our idea!

Upon speaking to our lawyers, we're happy to settle out of court. We're not interested in money, but we're sure we can come to some kind of 'benefit in kind' agreement. 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I get to go! I get to go!! And for only $8!!

I thought I would never get an invite, being that they are fictional and I am a real person and all.  But then when I was on etsy yesterday, I saw that I could get an invite after all!! YIPPEE!! Time to knock that Bella Swan out of the park.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

ETSY...the land of wasted time...

Thanks Emina xx

Nooooooooooooo! Beardward is BACK

Rob, we've told you before and we'll tell you again: Stop hiding your delicious jawporn under all that fuzz! Having a chin that looks like someone's overgrown ladygarden is not a good look. And besides, I'm sure Kristen's porcelain skin wouldn't react well to beard-burn.

For those of you who've forgotten that Rob's jawline is actually sharper than a set of Ginsu knives, feast your eyes on this... Careful, don't cut yourself now!

Screw Me Saturday... For the Krisbians

My God, this girl can even rock a lace tablecloth.

So Kristen says on the final night of filming her voice wasn't working anymore. Man, those sex scenes are gonna be LOUD. Let's just hope she doesn't make the same noise in bed as she did during her nightmare scenes in New Moon...

From Glamour via KStewNews

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