Thursday, June 30, 2011

Mike Newton vs. Mike Welch

Yes, I know they're the same person, except they're not. 

We've already talked about Mike's weight gain between movies, but for Breaking Dawn it appears he might have lost the added pounds he gained in New Moon and Eclipse.

Or maybe it's just a new haircut. Either way, they look like two different people if you ask me.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011




Happy Hump Day!

Introducing a New Rob Meme

Though Jumping Rob will always be my fave, this new picture is working it's way up to second favorite:

What shall we call him? Leaping Rob is too similar to Jumping Rob.!

Rob. Cream. Tongueporn.


[Image Source]

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

If it looks like a whore and acts like a whore... its probably a whore

Somehow I'm not surprised Rob didn't want to engage with this particular brand of fruitcake.

Thanks Marcela x

Twangie-Tuesday.... Shamwow Special

Out of all the photo shoots this one is my favorite... Its that pull-it-while-I-fuck-you hair... UNF

Monday, June 27, 2011

Kellan: I fucking love him but...

... what died and fell on his head? Could it be a recycled Jacksper wig

[Image Source]

I've got an Eric-tion...

Stephenie Meyer may have been on a serious Twinkie sugar high when she wrote Breaking Porn, but that's nothing compared to what the True Blood writers must have been on when they wrote last night's season premiere of the show. *SPOILER ALERT* Sookie's been abducted by evil fairies (huh?), Tara is now a lesbian cage fighter called Toni (what the fuck?), Bill appears to be president of the local old folk's home (really?), and don't even get me started on Lafayette's insane new hairdo (Hookah looks like Mr T in drag)... 

But amid the madness there remains one constant: Eric Northman is still pure sex...

Monkey Monday: Handcuffs

Featuring Graupner's guns.

Is it just me... or is anyone else unable to stop staring at Jackson's, er, crucifix?

via orbarose

McCrap: The Wedding

As we eagerly await our invitation to the impending publicity stunt wedding of Nikki Reed and Paul McDonald (AKA McCrap), we'd like to give the happy couple some advice on how to plan their big day...

Top Tip #1: For maximum exposure and a big bucks magazine deal, go for a Twilight-themed wedding. This will ensure that a) people know who you actually are; and b) you get to ask K-Stew to be a bridesmaid without people saying, 'I thought those two were over their lipstick lesbo phase...' Don't expect Kristen to smile in the wedding photos though.

Top Tip #2: Continuing with the Twilight theme, send your guests comedy invites (see below). This will show your friends, family and random celebrity guests that you have a great sense of humour. Here at RC Towers, we always knew you were funny - getting engaged after 2 weeks? Frickin' hilarious! Oh, and don't worry about people reading into the fact that Paul is playing Robward in the picture - we're sure you've grabbed Paul's balls much harder than you ever did Rob's.

Top Tip #3: While there's any number of shit-tastic Twilight wedding cakes you can choose from, make sure you finish it off with this Rosalie wedding topper. After all, they might not recognise you without the blonde wig...

Top Tip #4: The seating plan is always a nightmare - so we fully understand if you can't put us on a table with Rob, Jackson, Kellan or PFach. But here's a friendly word of advice: IF YOU SIT US NEXT TO THIS CRAZY CUNT WE'LL SPIT IN YOUR CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. Thanks.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

If you enjoy being bored for two minutes and eleven seconds then watch this...

I just don't know why it's so long... It should have stopped at 0:25... I swear I was a little suicidal watching this.

Friday, June 24, 2011

FMF... The Jaw Edition

Edward Cullen is not a real person.

We have discussed this before.  See here.

However I have been getting more emails than I ever expected about the fact that Robs Closet ignored Edward Cullens birthday... so here is how it is.

a) I didn't know it was.  I've never known that.  I love Twilight but I'm not rainman.

b) I was in bed when I got the first email about it and frankly was too lazy to get up, plus Entourage was on and I had a ladyboner that needed sorting... so.

c) Edward Cullen is not a real person, and there is something a bit icky about saying Happy Birthday to someone who is a figment of a fat girls Much as I love him.  Its not really his birthday, I mean wouldn't it make more sense to celebrate the day Meyer woke up from that dream? No?

4) I'm a bitch. The more emails I got, the less I wanted to do it.


I am still getting emails.  Some threatening... So here it is.

Happy belated birthday Edward Cullen.

Here is a cake I made just now with you on top looking like a freak.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Abs + Inception =


Is he sliding off a fucking building? Where's my fucking totem?!

Is it just me...

... or should this chick be saying fuck ME rather than fuck YOU? 

Nikki: I fucking love her but...

...I need help finding nice things to say about her. 

Where to begin? Her dress is not flattering to her figure, her man is redonkulous and turrible arm candy, and not even the fans behind her look interested. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


So I was really excited. I sat down to watch The Roommate with my kids, as you do, and on reading the cast I jumped up! Two Twilight hotties? Yesssss.  Bring it on. There it was in Black and White - Cam Gigandet, Alex Meraz.  Who could wish for more? 

Well...I could actually.  Cam was in the movie, he played the part of the boyfriend and it was good to see him (though I will never stop expecting him to do the evil head tilt) and I enjoyed that... but Alex? Well he arrived early on, mumbled a line, and then...that was that. He is in it for about two seconds and then he was gone, a one line wonder.  Did he even have a line?  It was all a bit mad.  I mean surely, with the fame of Twilight, the guys can expect more? From what I've seen it appears they can't....

This was pretty much it for pretty boy Meraz... Aw...

Some Twilight fan sites have said Alex Meraz has a cameo in The Roommate... Don't annoy me now, I really don't think we can call it that.  A 'cameo' is when a well known actor pops in for a large, significant but short lived part in a movie.  Like when Sean Connery turned up as King Richard at the end of Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.  That's a cameo.  What Alex got is called a bit part... Sorry but it's the truth.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Rob...being cute as fuck... that is all.

Oh dear, how do I get through my days without wailing myself to death or drowning in my own VJ? With this hot fucker around... on Ellen... during the day... I wasn't even prepared, I wasn't in my shamanties and sitting on my puppy pad.  Dammit.  Another couch cleaning to pay for...

Bahaha! Have we seen this one yet??

I've no idea who made this, but it's a job well done. Thanks for sending it our way, chtz and Marcela!

People from Twilight. In their Underwear.

To celebrate the Oh so sexy photo release of Rob and Kristen brushing their teeth one morning before shooting Breaking Porn, we would like to collect and display more stars from Twilight in their underpants for your perusal.  So lets!
I want to be a sandwich...

Christian Serratos, who knew?

Ashley Greene, yeah we knew.  

Kellan, I'll believe it when I see it.

Amputated legs is not a good look no matter how hot you are.

Billy Burke... what else can I say? The man is legend.

Elizabeth Reaser.  At least she goes hollywood...


Oh how could I resist posting it again...? Its fucking hilarious!

From Bean in the Field: Monkey Monday!

''Wandering Minds'' 100 Monkeys' Video Clip Debut by PattyStewBoneCity

Bronson: I fucking love him but...

... he is a fucking idiot.

Why, WHY on God's earth would you ever tattoo the name of your girlfriend on you... and right above your magic stick, no less! Especially when we've already noticed she's just not that into you..

I so wish I could say this was a manip, but this is the real deal ladies. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Cullen Vs Take That

Twilight wasn't my first obsession. Many moons ago, before the invention of Shamanties, I was infatuated with another man whose name began with 'J' in another phenomenon beginning with 'T'. Yes, before Jasper/Jackson from Twilight, it was all about Jason from boyband (now manband) Take That.* Ah, who am I kidding? It still is - especially after going to see Take That in concert last night. "Amazeballs" doesn't even begin to cover it. And that's when it hit me - there are more than a few similarities between my two obsessions... 

*see below if you don't know who they are - best British boyband EVER!

Time for another RC showdown!

*ding ding*

Gary Vs Daddy C
The brains of the group. The Doc might be uber-rich, but thanks to songwriting royalties, Gary is too. And I bet Carlisle can't make banoffee pie... Gary wins round 1!

Mark Vs Edward
You might not know it by looking at him now, but before Mark shared the Charlie B-Cups trait of looking like an old woman, he was "the cute one" that all the girls threw their knickers at. He might not have the best bod, but then neither does Rob. Still, this is Rob's Closet, so... Rob's wins!

Jason Vs Jasper
Ooooh, a toughie! Both are sexy, sensitive and Jason used to be known as "the ugly/weird one" - not unlike poor Jasper (thanks to that stoopid, stoopid wig!!). And both are my future husbands. So I won't choose. I WON'T, I TELL YOU!!!

Howard Vs Emmett
The buff ones. Amazingly, I couldn't find a recent pic of Howard's fit bod so I had to make do with this one from his unfortunate dreadlock days (*shudders*). But imagine those muscles with better hair (watch exhibit A). Mmmm.... Howard wins!

And the winner is...

Take That!

Stop the press! I think this is the first time the Twi-guys haven't won a battle. Does this mean I'll get the sack?

*looks worried*

Maybe this will help me keep my job...

 Special thanks to TSH for help with the post!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Aw... Guess who?

Who did this little cutie grow up to be? Clue: A lot of perfectly straight women would like to fuck her.

Answers on a postcard (or in the comments below)

Screw Me Saturday... Is there a doctor in the house?

Looks like he got Prophase and Anaphase correct too...

Friday, June 17, 2011

Fuck Me (pleasejustfuckme) Friday

Delicious.  Fucking DEEElicious.

Is it just me...?

...or is anyone else incredibly turned on by this?

Wolf Pack Vs Wolf Pack

This afternoon I had the not-unpleasant experience of Bradley Cooper watching me pee. Sort of. I was visiting the bathroom during my Friday afternoon drinking sesh down the pub (I do live in Ireland, ya know), when staring back at me was Brad & the boys from The Hangover 2 movie poster. And I realised we have another Wolf Pack in town...

So how does the Twilight wolf pack fare against the Hangover wolf pack? There's only one way to find out....


The Sensible One
The Fuckhawt One
The Pretty One Everyone Forgets About
The Weird One
Hmmmm. Not sure who wins this one. Can Bradley and Alex just form their own wolf pack and I'll take them? Pretty please with cherries on top?

To make up for the last post... FMF - The Crufts Edition.

I don't know why, but this picture made me want to go out into my garden and look in my bushes...
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