Thursday, March 31, 2011

Breaking Dawn Stills!!

Kristen looks so different as a Vamp! 

 Major finger pornage.
I wish it was me. I wish it was me. I wish it was me.
*WAILS*
*sits on a shamwow*
UNF


DOUBLE UNF


AND FINALLY....


*sound of exploding knickers*


Thanks to a certain lovely lady who shall remain nameless....for her own protection xxx! 

Round 2... Rob vs Adrian

I had lots of fun googling these pictures... Put it this way, it was a wet day.

 The Topless shot.  I like a brown hairy chest meself so Ado takes this one.
 The oops-I-show-my-bum shot, I like Adrians little tan line and hairy ass in this.  I'm primeval that way.
 Le Bulge... Sorry but Rob sweeps the board here.  My legs could be the bread around that weener anyday.
No contest for me... I always went for the skaterboys in secondary school, Rawr to the chilf that was Ado.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Silence in the Monkey House...

Yeah its me, the biggest fool in Ireland.  Over the last fucking three years I have been so busy wanking off to Pattinsons gorgeous mug that I totally missed THIS GUY. 



This beautiful man has been gracing my TV screen weekly and I didn't fucking notice.  I found out about this ride two weeks ago, and boxed myself in with the box sets.  I've never been more fulfilled since Twilight came out on DVD. Put it this way, an electric blanket is a good shamwow in case of emergency.

Oh be still my beating clit.


So in the great tradition of Robs Closet, we are gonna do a share and compare...


Rob vs Adrian Grenier.

PART ONE
***

 You know I love beardy Rob, the idea of that chin tickling my neck gives me the good shivers... but Adrian with a beard? FUCKHOT.  Seriously.  Ado wins.
 The come-here-to-me shot.  Rob in a bed... Ado in a car... Hmmm... Can I have both? Home and Away?


The Oh-I-am-so-talented-I-act-and-I-rock-fuck-me-now Shot.  Rob is a cutie here but that lip biting honey brother drum playing Ado is sending the juices spurting like you wouldn't believe.  


Ado is the winner this week...Lets see how Rob fares next round when we compare the zygote shots, the swimming shorts shots and the BULGE shots...  

Web Date With A Twi-tard

In advance of her appearance on UK television tonight (OMG with Peaches Geldof on ITV2), where she will no doubt do her usual job of giving Twi-tards a bad name, here's a funny little video I found concerning Nutty Madam... Let's call this Happy Hump Day part 2!



Happy Hump Day!

Random Rob at his best. Hump day happiness guaranteed!


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

FAN FAIL!

Being a Twi-tard can be an expensive hobby. You have to buy every special edition/movie tie-in versions of the books. You spend a fortune on materials for your attempts at Twilight-inspired 'crafts'. And let's not forget the cost of buying Shamanties in bulk.

So occasionally you find yourself so broke that you can't even afford an R-Pattz poster for your bedroom wall. What's a Twi-tard to do? Drawn your own, of course!

Thanks KJ!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Monkey Monday

New interview with the 100 Monkeys by RockStarWeekly. Loving Jackson's almost-ginger hair.... Grrrrrrr. And I sure would like to see Ben's didgeridoo!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

RIP Crapshley, Long live Chrishley!

It's been just a matter of days since we celebrated the end of Crapshley - yet already everyone's favourite "party girl" (read: floozy) Ashley Greene has already been linked to yet another Hollywood hottie, once again crushing our dreams of a Jackshley pairing. This time it's Captain America star Chris Evans. I can't possibly think what our Ash sees in him...


*Looks closer*

Nope. No sign of a promise ring. Get in there, Ashley. Chris is ready and willing...

I predict a few weeks of snogging in cars, walking their dogs together, shopping... and this time, a sex tape. Make it happen, guys.

Thanks LVNW!

Shag Me Sunday

To save you all from straining your eyes by squinting at Freezeburn's gorgeous avi...

Don't say we don't do anything for you. ;)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Fuck Me Friday


EW cover Rob: so fucking hot even Reese looks like she's wet herself.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sticks and Stones may break my bones...

...But whips and canes excite me.

Maybe next time leave Alice at home, eh Rob? He's kinda spoiling the mood...

Thanks Marcela!

"But I'm Team Jacob...!!"

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Oh Eight-Pack, Where Are Thou?

They say things are no fun any more when they become legal - and it seems Taylor Lautner is no exception. Seriously. has he done any shirtless photo shoots since he turned 18? It sure doesn't feel like it.

Has his rumoured girlfriend Lily Collins slapped a 'For My Eyes Only' ban on TayTay? Has Big Daddy got fed up of protecting his boy from women screaming 'Get your kit off!'? Or is this just a very cunning ploy by Scumshit to make us go see Breaking Dawn 20 times to get our fix of shirtless action? Who the fuck knows?

But let's remind ourselves what we're missing.... 'cos I am missing that eight-pack!

Happy Hump Day!!

To our readers- you girls are the fucking best. Because your comment threads have me in stitches day after day, we give you an extra day of knickers explosions! 



**EDIT** Shout out to FreezeBurn for letting us in on the origination of her term.

[Image Source]

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Non-Fan Fail!

It's always fun taking the piss out of Twilight fan fails - but it's even more satisfying finding fails by haters. Here's one having a bitch about the "Twilight Dad" in this picture...

"I couldn't find anything with 'Twilight dad' on it, but I managed to find this picture of a dad who obviously likes Twilight. He obviously likes Twilight because of the little red thing in the sign. That's the stupid apple that keeps giving me nightmares!"

Now take a good look at the "Dad" in the picture. Yep. It's Michael Welch.

Fuck you, haters.

Rob, I fucking love him but...


...this picture is not hot.  Not even a little bit.  Not even in a RILF way...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Poll Results: Crapshley Breakup!

Last week we asked 'Who broke up with who, and what could the famous last words have been?' and, after 100+ comments, the results are in!


 Surprise, surprise.


In the words of leahreallyitis, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY FUCK YEAH JACKSON HONEY GO AFTER her!!!!!"


Monkey Monday: Charlie Sheen

The Monkeys jump on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon with this hilarious improv. Is it just me, or is Jackson frickin' sexy when he says 'fucking'?


via forebirdie22

No, Chon, No!

Listen up, Chon. Enough of the bathroom shots. The first photo one was bad enough - at least then we could only see your feet. But now, this... It's too much. Someone pass me the brain bleach, please.

Thanks Marcela!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Jealous, much?!

Lucky Rosie the elephant gets to do what every girl dreams of - put Rob in her mouth.


"Well, it's THIS big..."

Rob discusses his monstercock with MTV.

Shag Me Sunday

Even though this slightly looks like Rob's head on Kristen's body, I still want to jump on up and ride that. Yummmm. 


Saturday, March 19, 2011

Screw Me Saturday

Until Rob poses like this for real, amazing manips like this will have to do...

via Robmaniporn

Friday, March 18, 2011

Now I've seen everything!


One question though: who the fuck is "Reneesme"?

#FanFail

Fuck Me Friday

Since our boy Cam Gigandet had been a little neglected here on RC, this FMF is dedicated to him! 



Thanks, LWNV!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

POLL TIME!!!

We recently covered how Crapshley called it quits, but there are more important issues at hand. 

While it's rumored they broke up days after her birthday, the real question everyone wants to know is..

WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO, AND WHAT COULD THE FAMOUS LAST WORDS HAVE BEEN??

Did Joe say, "Sorry Ashley, it's now you.. it's my virginity ring?" Did Ashley get tired of sharing her clothes with Joe?

Tell us what you think in the comments below!!!

Crapshley: I fucking love them but...

NOT REALLY! 

Which is why I was elated to read that Gossip Cop confirmed a break up. You know what this means, don't you?

Joe will probably start wearing his promise ring again..

...He'll also have to borrow skinny jeans elsewhere...

... and Ashley will only have one pup to take on walks...

The site says the couple split just days after her birthday, could it be she hated the bracelet he bought her?

Crapshley, RIP
July/August-ish 2010 - February-ish 2011

Happy St Paddy's Day!

"They're always after me lucky charms!"

my pimped pic!

Yes, Rob, we are - you should be used to it by now...

Right, I'm off down the pub.

Slainte!



Wednesday, March 16, 2011

OH CAM ON, RC!

We got a complaint.  An email... *snif*

It wasn't the usual complaining email either, you know the ones, that tell us we will burn in hell for the amount of masturbation that goes on over this dirty robverted site.  The ones we usually tell to SHAG OFF BABY...

Well this complaint was not like that.  This complaint made us drop to our knees and beg the universe for forgiveness... Please... please... we will beg you to forgive us...

We've been cock-blocking every single one of you.

You see... this email pointed out that we have been neglectful in the amount of knicker explosions we provide for our readers weekly.  We have been holding something, someone, out of the spotlight... and for that we are truly truly sorry.  We don't know how it happened... in fact we cannot believe it happened.  There is a HOT twi-guy we have totally ignored. Like almost totally...

Cam.  We are sorry... please let us show you how much by humping the living FUCK out of our computers over THESE pictures YOU BIG FUCKING RIDE...


*drool*


Oh yeah? You look at me like that and that bike won't be the 
only fucking thing getting rode to bits today buddy.


Sweet lamb of divine Jesus... somebody pass me the shamwow.

FUCK ME.


Thanks to Edelyn for banging on our door about this... we are truly sorry x


EDIT BY AAE:  MY ATTENTION HAS BEEN DRAWN TO THE FACT THAT THIS SEXY BASTARD IS ALSO A FUCKING DILF.  

MY FALLOPIAN TUBES HAVE JUST SUCKED MY LIVING ROOM CARPET INTO MY BODY.  I'M ENJOYING THE SENSATION BUT NEED TO GET TO HOSPITAL FOR RETRACTION.  Wish me Luck xxx ;-D
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