Yeah its me, the biggest fool in Ireland. Over the last fucking three years I have been so busy wanking off to Pattinsons gorgeous mug that I totally missed THIS GUY.
This beautiful man has been gracing my TV screen weekly and I didn't fucking notice. I found out about this ride two weeks ago, and boxed myself in with the box sets. I've never been more fulfilled since Twilight came out on DVD. Put it this way, an electric blanket is a good shamwow in case of emergency. Oh be still my beating clit.
So in the great tradition of Robs Closet, we are gonna do a share and compare...
Rob vs Adrian Grenier.
You know I love beardy Rob, the idea of that chin tickling my neck gives me the good shivers... but Adrian with a beard? FUCKHOT. Seriously. Ado wins.
The come-here-to-me shot. Rob in a bed... Ado in a car... Hmmm... Can I have both? Home and Away?
The Oh-I-am-so-talented-I-act-and-I-rock-fuck-me-now Shot. Rob is a cutie here but that lip biting honey brother drum playing Ado is sending the juices spurting like you wouldn't believe.
Ado is the winner this week...Lets see how Rob fares next round when we compare the zygote shots, the swimming shorts shots and the BULGE shots...
In advance of her appearance on UK television tonight (OMG with Peaches Geldof on ITV2), where she will no doubt do her usual job of giving Twi-tards a bad name, here's a funny little video I found concerning Nutty Madam... Let's call this Happy Hump Day part 2!
Being a Twi-tard can be an expensive hobby. You have to buy every special edition/movie tie-in versions of the books. You spend a fortune on materials for your attempts at Twilight-inspired 'crafts'. And let's not forget the cost of buying Shamanties in bulk.
So occasionally you find yourself so broke that you can't even afford an R-Pattz poster for your bedroom wall. What's a Twi-tard to do? Drawn your own, of course!
It's been just a matter of days since we celebrated the end of Crapshley - yet already everyone's favourite "party girl" (read: floozy) Ashley Greene has already been linked to yet another Hollywood hottie, once again crushing our dreams of a Jackshley pairing. This time it's Captain America star Chris Evans. I can't possibly think what our Ash sees in him...
Nope. No sign of a promise ring. Get in there, Ashley. Chris is ready and willing...
I predict a few weeks of snogging in cars, walking their dogs together, shopping... and this time, a sex tape. Make it happen, guys.
They say things are no fun any more when they become legal - and it seems Taylor Lautner is no exception. Seriously. has he done any shirtless photo shoots since he turned 18? It sure doesn't feel like it.
Has his rumoured girlfriend Lily Collins slapped a 'For My Eyes Only' ban on TayTay? Has Big Daddy got fed up of protecting his boy from women screaming 'Get your kit off!'? Or is this just a very cunning ploy by Scumshit to make us go see Breaking Dawn 20 times to get our fix of shirtless action? Who the fuck knows?
But let's remind ourselves what we're missing.... 'cos I am missing that eight-pack!
It's always fun taking the piss out of Twilight fan fails - but it's even more satisfying finding fails by haters. Here's one having a bitch about the "Twilight Dad" in this picture...
"I couldn't find anything with 'Twilight dad' on it, but I managed to find this picture of a dad who obviously likes Twilight. He obviously likes Twilight because of the little red thing in the sign. That's the stupid apple that keeps giving me nightmares!"
Now take a good look at the "Dad" in the picture. Yep. It's Michael Welch.
It wasn't the usual complaining email either, you know the ones, that tell us we will burn in hell for the amount of masturbation that goes on over this dirty robverted site. The ones we usually tell to SHAG OFF BABY...
Well this complaint was not like that. This complaint made us drop to our knees and beg the universe for forgiveness... Please... please... we will beg you to forgive us...
You see... this email pointed out that we have been neglectful in the amount of knicker explosions we provide for our readers weekly. We have been holding something, someone, out of the spotlight... and for that we are truly truly sorry. We don't know how it happened... in fact we cannot believe it happened. There is a HOT twi-guy we have totally ignored. Like almost totally...
Cam. We are sorry... please let us show you how much by humping the living FUCK out of our computers over THESE pictures YOU BIG FUCKING RIDE...
Oh yeah? You look at me like that and that bike won't be the
only fucking thing getting rode to bits today buddy.
Sweet lamb of divine Jesus... somebody pass me the shamwow.
Thanks to Edelyn for banging on our door about this... we are truly sorry x
EDIT BY AAE: MY ATTENTION HAS BEEN DRAWN TO THE FACT THAT THIS SEXY BASTARD IS ALSO A FUCKING DILF.
MY FALLOPIAN TUBES HAVE JUST SUCKED MY LIVING ROOM CARPET INTO MY BODY. I'M ENJOYING THE SENSATION BUT NEED TO GET TO HOSPITAL FOR RETRACTION. Wish me Luck xxx ;-D