Monday, December 19, 2011

Monkey Monday: UK Tour Special

Sadly, Jerad didn't pick 'Fuck Me Friday' as the improv song. 
It's been three days since The Rathboner JUMPED ON ME, so I've just about recovered enough to write up my awesome experience at two of 100 Monkeys' UK gigs, in Birmingham and London. And dear readers, I have to admit - I was a complete Fan Fail. No, I didn't turn up wearing a Monkey costume or a wedding dress so I could propose to Jackson - but I also didn't do Rob's Closeters proud. Let me explain...
Jackson ditches the Mad Hatter look for the Sexy Hatter
The first fail was when I got to meet the band after the Birmingham show, when they were signing CDs. This was my opportunity to tell Jackson, "I fucking love you but NOTHING" or ask him if he knows we call him 'The Rathboner' - but, noooooo.... Instead, I tried to play it cool - so cool, in fact, that I pretty much walked straight past Jackson and started gushing to Ben Graupner instead. Note to self: the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' tactic does not work when you get only 30 seconds with a guy. FAIL!
The 'Fro of Death

Luckily, I had a second chance the next night at the O2 Academy in London, because during the 'Thank You' song The Rathboner only went and dived into the flippin' audience - and right on top of me. Before you could say 'knicker explosion' Jackson's chest was suddenly IN MY FACE. Did I have a good grope of his pecs? Did I rip his shirt open? Did I lick the sweat off his nipples? No, no and no. I just fucking froze. FAIL!

Graupner: Got the full force of Beany love
Just as I was despairing at my lameness, Jackson grabbed hold of my wrist and DIDN'T LET GO (for what felt like at least 3 hours, anyway...). And ladies, let me tell you, he has a firm grip. One for the spank bank, fo' sho'. WIN!

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