Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Roblor: New evidence!

What's that among the fanmail left on Rob's car? Only a love note from 'Taylor'! Honestly, you think he'd know Rob well enough to give it to him personally...


Happy Hump Day!

Rob. Giraffe. What's not to love?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Caption Contest!

So many possibilities... give us your best shot in the comments section below. Caption with the most 'likes' wins!

pic via


Awww, sappy new still from Breaking Dawn... But wait a minute - what the fuck is going on in the background? Surely the 'Naked-Barbie-Dolls-On-Wall' decor hasn't spread to the Cullen house too (although they have a United Colours of Benetton version)! Could it be that stick naked dolls to your wall is bang on trend in Forks? Coming soon to an Etsy store near you...

Monday, August 29, 2011

Breaking Good

So there is a certain someone in Hollywood who is after my heart.  Craig Moss.  As if making a movie entitled "The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It" wasn't hilarious enough (I don't even need to see it, I'm already laughing) but he has begun production on a movie called....wait for it.... Breaking Wind.  

Oh yes.  Usually my wet sofa is down to plenty of vajayjay drooling while watching Rob in bed with various Emiles and Reeces, but last spring it got soaked from laugh related weeing while I watched Vampires suck, with the farting in her sleep scene on loop.

Peter Facinelli has a cameo!!

So I am excited.  Its nice to be able to explain the stainage another way... for once.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Shag Me Sunday: For the Wolfgirls

...and those of us who would jump the fence for Paulex wearing nothing but the Stars and Stripes.


Shag Me Sunday

To make up for the lack of Fuck Me Friday and Screw Me Saturday this week. We hope you'll forgive us!

via jadalulu on Tumblr

If you've just eaten you might want to avert your eyes from this picture

Excuse me while I vom...

One for the Roblor fans...

Brokeback Twilight: Coming soon to a movie theatre near you...

Thanks KJ!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Bel Ami Pics had me weeping...

A wedding! 
You all know how much I love Rob Pattinson being a groom... just wish I was the fucking bride.  
That'd be some wedding night I can tellsk ya!

Oh... I will die in the scenes before this one... Thrusting Rob is my fav Rob of all.

Oh yeah baby... dirty mean Rob does it for me big time...

Oh alright... this isn't a still from the actual movie... but a girl can dream, right? 

Thanks JIMD

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Non-Fan Fail!

It amuses me that someone would actually take the time and effort to do this...

Twilight Vs Planet of the Apes

Was Catherine Hardwicke involved in the new Planet of the Apes movie by any chance? Why, you ask? See exhibits A, B, C and D below... I gotta say, that ape looks scarily like Dumped Bella in the first pic.

Anyone else spot any similarities between the two movies? Naked barbie dolls in the ape's bedroom, perhaps? An armadillo hiding in the science lab? Or maybe random child predators in the background?

Thanks Laura!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Has it come to this?!

Spare a thought for the people of Forks. The real people of Forks, that is. They have clearly become so terrified of catching cooties from the rabid TwiTards that invade their town every day that they've had to create a special Twilight toilet. Can you tell which Port-a-potty it is? (Clue: it's not the grey one.)

According to the Discover Forks website: 

The members of West End Business & Professional Association and Forks Chamber of Commerce have gone in together on two Sanicans placed downtown for the summer tourists.  Merchants in the area of the stoplight had been complaining about Twilight visitors using their restrooms which are usually back in store rooms and not meant for public use.

So a regular sanican was delivered first and when the folks at West Waste and Recycling delivered the second one it had a custom paint job, I call it the "Twilight Twoilet."

Which leads me to ponder... Are TwiTards really so freaky that Forks residents don't want to share a bathroom with them? Don't they flush? Are they vandalising facilities with 'Mrs Cullen woz ere' graffiti? Or are they just blocking the plumbing with their used Shamanties? Will they be making Twilight fans sit at the back of the bus next?

Let's hope they've stocked it with Rob toilet paper...

via Twifans

Pffft. That was no earthquake, that was a mass knicker explosion when me, Bean and Rimr saw the cover of Entertainment weekly on a NY newstand.

Consider it, being the PB&J of that sandwich.  Humpalicious.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

We won an award and all we got was this lousy button...

Ah I'm joking of course, winning is always fab-U-lous.  We didn't even know we were in a race! Wooo!

Now where is my goody bag?

See our win announced HERE.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

What happens when Nerds read Twilight.

Stephanie Meyers Vampires are described as being the best looking people on the planet (something David Slade didn't notice on the casting sheet btw), so why anyone would attempt to dress up as them...its beyond me.  You just look like a sack.  Hardwickes costume choices were fucked up and only passed because of the stunners in them... People seriously, STOP IT.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I wish it was me...

Bella discovers the best kind of diving...

Oh Edward! I never appreciated the fact that you don't need to breathe but boy oh boy do I now!!

Thanks Emina x

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The weirdest thing...

...So I turn on the TV just now, right? And well... Twilight... it's on. On the TV.  Like on my TV.

Why is that so weird for me? It feels like I'm watching myself.  Or something.  And I don't think I like it.

This is my face, right now.

Oh my GOD an ad break just came on.  I feel as though I'm in the middle of sex and some weird guy has just popped up between the pillows and said "What washing powder do you use?"

Why is this weird for me? Is it because it heralds the end of Twilight, to be repeated only on TV, getting later and later until one morning when I can't sleep I'll turn on 3e just in time to hear Edward say "What if I'm the bad guy?"

I don't know why its weird but its fucking weird.  Its like the whole world knows my secret...


Is it just me...?

...Or was anyone else sorely disappointed that the shower scene on this week's True Blood didn't play out like this...?

You have to say one thing for Charlaine Harris - her books may be trashy, unoriginal and completely redonkulous, but she sure does write the most hilarious sex scenes! Like everyone who has read the Sookie Stackhouse books, The Shower Scene was the most eagerly anticipated moment of Season 4. Fangirls all over the world ordered in extra strength shamwows and their Tivo's ready to pause on the money shot of Eric's 'Mr Happy'.

What. The. Fuck.
So needless to say I was GUTTED when Sookie didn't shout, 'Yikes! Yahoo! Yum!' on Sunday's show. And not even a mention of 'Mr. Happy.' Instead we got Eric and Sookie walking out of the shower and into what appeared to be Narnia, where they proceeded to make love on a bed in the middle of a snowy forest. Not funny. Not sexy. Just plain weird.

At least Sookie found out what a frozen vampire dick feels like...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Rob vs... Jessie Pinkman

So I'm into Breaking Bad, big time.  Up to Series 4 now and its only getting better.  And it gives me this.

This makes me happy.

Aaron Paul as Jessie Pinkman is so hot.  Who knew Junkie Meth Heads could be so darn cute? I love him, those puppy dog eyes...  that face, that voice, I'm drawn in.  Dammit I'm thinking of taking up Meth just to feel close to him.  The little junkie fuck.  Yum, yum.

So lets pit our lads against each other in this little game of lust we like to play here at RC.  Who will win?

The Beanie Shot.  Rob wins hands down.

 The Ooo I'm in a suit being all sexy with black shiny things Shot.  Sorry Rob, I would love to grab Jessies umbrella and rain all over his sexy ass.

I want my hand down BOTH of those boxers so... Ladies its a TIE, its so a tie.

Oooo loving the tongue porn on a Tuesday

Monday, August 15, 2011

Kristen: I fucking love her but...

.. what-the-fucksten happened to her face here? I know I've been out of the twi-game for a few weeks, but this airbrushed cover Stewy is barely recognizable even to me. Shit.

Monkey Monday

RIMR, I fucking love her but... she didn't make good on her promise to get secret dressing room footage of The Rathboner when she went to see 100 Monkeys last week. I fucking gave her the hidden camera and everything! So instead, we'll have to make do with the boys' new video for Modern Times. Good job it's frickin' awesome. I might just forgive you yet, RIMR.... ;)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Twigh School Musical

A gentle chuckle for a lazy Sunday morning....

Saturday, August 13, 2011

On this joyous occasion...

Today is Edward and Bella's wedding day (oh, don't pretend you didn't know...) so we thought we'd mark the occasion in true RC style with a selection of wedding-themed fan fails. Here's to the happy couple! 

Edward appears to have married a man in drag in this Etsy portrait.

Not sure what the fuck this is supposed to be. Why does the vicar have boobs?

This Twitard is so devoted she's marrying her Jacob standee. I'm guessing the Bella and Edward standees are witnesses. How romantic.

Screw Me Saturday: Double Whammy

Take your pick.

Thanks missesmanduh!

I never usually do this but this was such a lovely email I just wanted to share!

Dear Robs Closet,

I just wanted to sincerely thank you, as you were partially responsible for the BEST evening I just had.

A friend showed me your blog last year, and I spent HOURS reading backward through your weeks of posts.  I was crying, clutching my stomach and trying not to piss myself from laughing.  Distinctly remember the one that sent me over the edge: 'is it just me or does rob love to choke a bitch?' That's just pure hilarity right there.

Robs Closet introduced me to 100 Monkeys, and imagine my delight in viewing video after video of these fellas doing their thing.  I'm not going to lie; my husband travels a lot for work, and there were many-a-night that I would snuggle into bed with my laptop to have some Monkeys sing me to sleep.

Of course, I shared my 100 Monkey obsession with anyone that would listen, and as a result, have been receiving monkey schwag for birthdays & holidays from friends.  Last month, a friend did the ultimate and surprised me with tickets to see 100 Monkeys in person just a 3-hours drive away.

This went down last night.  The venue was small.  Jackson ran into me on his way into the men's room (I am still a little stunned).  The guys were ANIMATED, engaging, supportive of each other and they BROUGHT IT!  They even stuck around to sign autographs.  If my phone was not dead from digitally recording the experience, I could have captured THE BEST fan fails in the crowd waiting for autographs (where DO these people crawl out from?!)

The evening was SUPREME, and it would have never happened if it weren't for Robs  Closet.  So, THANK YOU!  Keep doing what you do!  You're my daily guilty pleasure.

Sincerely (and never-the-same-again),

Sherry - its so lovely to hear from you, we love that you have a new obsession because of us - it gives us street cred... :) Love ya - from all the bitches at RC xx

Friday, August 12, 2011

Drawing Comp over!

Thanks to everyone who sent in entries for the drawing competition, they are all pretty dismal, and so obviously we love them!  Thanks especially to those of you 'non-artists' who did your absolute best and turned out complete shit for us to piss ourselves over.  It has been a funny few weeks in the RC office I can tell you.

The prize is amazing, a breaking dawn exclusive poster AND a drawing set! *Applause*

And if nothing at least we won't need to buy toilet paper for a while.

Winner to be announced soon.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Once again the Z-listers rise above their station.

So RIMRs favorite Kiowa Gordon got arrested for DUI last night and well frankly its not on.  Who does he think he is? I mean he had ONE line in the movie, right? He says 'gimme a muffin' to Scarface, right?

I mean how many movies did Robert Downey Jr have before his DUI? And Mel Gibson? Kiowa hasn't earned the right to drive pissed out of his head after one miserable scene!! Boy - you ahead of your station - get back where you belong - shitting and posting it on twitter like your boy Chon.

Thanks McD xx

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Is it just me...?

...or does Joe Jonas look totally gay for Rob?

Look at that adoring gaze! The appreciative clapping! At least it could explain why Mr Virginity dated 'party girl' Ashley for so long....*

*Possibly. It could have been because he loves shopping and dogs.

Nikki: We fucking loved her yesterday but...

...then she goes and does something mental like this.

For those of you wondering why Nikki has a random dude in sunglasses plastered all over her nails, it's actually her fiance, American Idol "star" Paul McDonald (what do you mean you didn't recognise him?). Seriously woman, why do you make it so easy for us?! It's bad enough when TwiTards do it, but you should really know better...

Meanwhile, Rob wasn't taking any chances at the Teen Choice Awards after they seated him next to the Reedster - obviously he was worried about a repeat of this little incident... Nikki doesn't look too happy that her wicked plans have been thwarted.

Rob, honey, if you need any help protecting the Monstercock there are many willing and able volunteers here in The Closet. We'd hate to think of those McCrap nails getting anywhere near your crown jewels...

Monday, August 8, 2011

I think I might actually kinda almost LIKE Nikki Reed now...

If this doesn't make you laugh, then you haven't had twelve zillion copy/paste do you know someone or know someone who knows someone who has a,b, or c posts blocking up your facebook news feed about random causes asking for a repost cause yeah that helps!

Thanks to all who sent this in but really thanks to Twitarded cos I didn't check my emails till after I saw this on their site.

Drawing competition

We have had a huge response to our drawing competition and its been hilarious judging the entries, make sure to send yours in asap - the comp closes on friday! Send them to

AAE xx

Sunday, August 7, 2011

No, Chon, No!

Actually Chon, we'll let you off on this one... against my will, it did make me chuckle. 

"I've seen my friend's schlong and IT'S REALLY BIG!!"

Thanks Cindy!

Imagine my disappointment...

...when I clicked on the link "4 Moves to Get Robert Pattinson's Abs" and it told me how to get a six-pack - instead of revealing the secret of getting my hands on Rob's body. Boo.

And then I got to thinking - would anyone actually want to have abs like Rob? I understand why blokes might want to imitate his sex hair (current style excluded). And I totally get it why guys would like to have Taylor's eight-pack. But let's face it, Rob is not exactly renowned for his buff bod - come on, admit it, we all know the New Moon make-up team did some of their best work on the Volterra scene...

Now you see it... you don't
So it seems we have another case of people cashing in on The Hottest Man on the Planet TM. Yes, Huffington Post, I'm talking about you and your shitty article. I'll be sure to buy your newspaper next time I run out of RPattz toilet paper...

Thanks Wasted Girl!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Friday, August 5, 2011

Emily: I fucking love her but...

... her scar morphs more than Prince John's mole (click here if you don't get the reference.)

 New Moon Emily
Chris Weitz got it right here;  apart from the putty mishap, Emily looks like she has a legit scar from the big bad Sam.

Eclipse Emily
Here it looks like the make-up artist got lazy and just took a red marker to her face. Either that, or Emily is secretly a True Blood vampire and can cry blood tears. 

Breaking Dawn Emily
 Em. This just looks like Emily's face broke out in hives. Bad case of poison ivy in Louisiana?

Is it just me...

... or does Summit just need to shut the fuck up?

Daiana Santia was the poor sap that Summit is pressing charges for releasing Breaking Dawn images and videos (probably ones like these). Not only is Summit plunging head first into a legal battle with this woman from Argentina, but they are also playing the 'he said/she said' bullshit.

Seriously. If you don't go cross-eyed easily, read the following response from Summit regarding the hacker:

“In an action that further communicates that those who steal images, video and other intellectual property will be identified and prosecuted globally, Summit Entertainment communicated today that it has identified the principal hacker who earlier this year stole unreleased materials from THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN which were then distributed on the internet.”
“Civil actions in the United States and Argentina name Daiana Santia, along with others, as being involved in stealing photographs, unfinished images and video from both parts of the yet to be released THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN which first appeared on the internet of March 31 of this year. Criminal action in Argentina has also been filed.”
“The investigation, which utilized the services of Kroll Inc. and the law firm of Keats McFarland & Wilson LLP, spanned four continents (North America, South America, Europe and Australia) and has led to the town of Posadas in northern Argentina.  It is believed that others may also be involved in the crime and thus the investigation is on-going.” 
“While we very much appreciate the legions of committed fans of the franchise and encourage them to create community online, we cannot ignore that property was stolen,” said David C. Friedman, Executive Vice President and General Counsel, Summit Entertainment. “It is not fair to the majority of fans that want to see the final chapter of the TWILIGHT SAGA film franchise fully realized by the filmmaker and crew to have these images out and available on the Internet.” 

Oh no. That's not all. Summit rambles on even FURTHER, but I couldn't be bothered to take up so much space on the blog. Read everything HERE.

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