Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Save The Unicorns!

One of the great things about living in The Closet is having our own secret code.

I always have a little smile to myself when having a muffin for breakfast at work...

Or snigger silently when I'm sucking on a popsicle...

And think of the wolf pack when I'm chowing down on a hot dog...

(Why are all our secret codes food related?!)

So imagine my delight when I discovered this t-shirt *point left* on sale at Topshop!

Thanks Nathie!

Sit on Rob's Face #2

Not content with sitting on Rob's face? Well, now those of you into watersports will be glad to hear you can pee on him too. Nice.

This craptastic toilet seat, erm, sticker can be yours for the 'bargain' price of $19.99 on eBay. Don't all rush at once!

Thanks Tamara!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Jackson: I fucking love you but....

...occasionally, I love Ben G-For-Guns more.

You may have won me back with the fingerporn though...

Pics via Buzznet

Monkey Monday: Joygasm

Joygasm: The awesome 'make-up-a-song' from this weekend's Spencer Bell Legacy Show.

Jackson: I fucking love him but...

... his fans have the worst artistic abilities.

Thanks, Sue and Macha for sending in these nightmares!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Crapsten Playhouse?

The latest in celebrity gossip says that R+K have rented a house together. Whether or not it's true, no one knows, but several sites have graciously provided pictures of said establishment:

Meh, it's nicer than Taylor's trailer....

Thanks, Linda B and Ann!

Poll Time!

If you follow The Rathboner as obsessively as I do, you'll know by now he's set to appear in the TV show 'No Ordinary Family.' I've never heard of this show before - but you can bet your bottom dollar it'll become one of my new faves now J-Bone has joined the cast. Apparently, it's about a family who develop super powers after they survive a plane crash (or something equally ridic), which got me thinking... what would Jackson look like in spandex and a mask...? *mind wanders*

Anyhoo, that shamwow-tastic vision inspired the latest RC poll...

What would The Rathboner's super powers be?

Tell us your answer in the comments section below!

Shag Me Sunday

If you think you've seen this pic before, take a closer look..


Thanks, Kiwi Sparkle!

A load of old Crapsten

Picture the scene: it's the year 2060. Twi-tards' Edward Cullen tattoos are crinkled and sagging. Stephenie Meyer still hasn't finished Midnight Sun. Crapsten are still together (obviously - 'cos they-will-be-together-forever-and-if-you-don't-believe-that-you-must-be-fucking-dumb!!!). And they look something like this...

Nice to see Granny K-Stew still has 'tude.

Thanks JennaMarie!

Shag Me Sunday: Rathboner Edition

I think I need a new pair of 'Shag Me Sunday' panties...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Screw Me Saturday: Crufts Special Part III

I might need mouth-to-mouth ONE more time...

Googlewhack! "How does Edward..."

I love all you dirty-minded Twihards that googled these naughty things. How does Edward Jones make money...?! Saucy...

Thanks for sending this one in, MiCHELLEHOPE_ and griselstar!

Screw Me Saturday

Tell me this doesn't look like foreplay...

If she blows at sucking, Rob, I'd gladly step in. #SMS

Baking 101 or not...

This is a Twilight saga cake.  Isn't it fabuscrumptiolicious? It was made by our very own darling Yummy Robwardowski for her monday morning snack! She just threw this baby together on her fifteen minute coffee break... now thats a dedicated fan!

Next cake....

This is not a Twilight saga cake.  This is a bumsrush bullshit attempt by somebodys mom who really couldn't give a shit and FRANKLY it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  Imagine the disappointed recipient.  Lets just hope it wasn't a Twilight Tweenie but actually a Twihard like us who would probably take that cake and shove it in their face....

It has to be the worst fucking theme cake I have ever seen... She would have done better to cut a picture out of the newspaper and stick it on a fucking jam tart then serve this shit up for someones birthday!

This was the worst cake we found online, nothing else even compared in its shitness... however we know you love a giggle so here is the best of the rest...
Not exactly the meadow scene I want to remember... Though the weird positioned legs are spot on.

This is not a Twilight cake.  The word 'Twilight' does not a theme cake make!

Good effort here but a completely shit cake at the end of it.

And now some I did like... these weirdos creations made me L.O.L.

Isn't Rob so hot here you could just lick him and devour him?
Feathers people! Its got the feathers!!

And....Drum roll.... MY FUCKING FAVORITE!!

I found this little beauty over at the hilarious, weird and perfectly brilliant blog Say It Cake which hasn't been active in a while but maybe a few clicky clicks from us will spring her into action again!

pictures courtesy of googleimages


Cannot remember who sent this in - its been sitting on my desktop for ages but whoever you are... we fucking love you but NOTHING.

Friday, August 27, 2010


FUCK ME!! Was there any doubt these pics wouldn't make today's #FMF??

Jawporn, scruff, gun show, raggedy t-shirt, cigarette-- I can't even think straight right now.

Rob's UNF face.

"Have a seat, ladies.. on my LAP!"

Jesus, he's beautiful.

Change your panties and check out all of the outtakes from Another Man photoshoot here.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

How to Make Easy Money

Have a Twilight star autograph and/or take a pic with your product.

Guaranteed to sell, no matter what the product is.

[Source: EM.org]


To quote JasperismyDestiny: "Who wants to sit on Rob's face?"

Thanks, JIMD!


Upon browsing categories in Yahoo, I posted the resolved question, "When will Rob and I get married?" A legitimate question, if I do say so myself.

Not every Rob fan is of sound mind like I am, though. I found this out after seeing some of these questions posted. The best part of yahoo questions are, of course, the answers.

Best Answer: "he is married to Taylor Lautner in the state of Iowa"

Best Answer: "go to your local grocery store and buy CAPTAIN CRUNCH. in the fold at the bottom should be one of the heads. The second head is at your school behind the clock in the main office. THe third head is at my house..... so just come find me. the fourth is UNDER YOUR BED!!! "

Best Answer: "No, they would probably think it was really hot and photoshop his head onto gay porn."

Who says there's no such thing as a stupid question?

Thanks, Lizzie!

Just what I've always wanted...

You may not be able to undress these dolls, but you can see what Rob's face would look like on Dracula's body.. Who doesn't want to play with 29 different paper vampire couples??

And would you check out the rack on the Bella Swan doll? Hubba hubba.

[Source. Thanks, Tamara!]

The results are in!

As if there was ever any doubt about it...

He's a groaner!
Yes, the results are in from our 'Moment of Truth' poll. A whopping 42% of you are pretty certain that Rob groans, moans and grunts his way through sex - even more of you would like to find out this as fact (purely for research purposes, of course!). Some of you were even more specific, saying Rob actually makes some of his 'Edward' noises - like the sound he makes after talking about sipping iced tea on the porch in Eclipse (thanks ILW!).

Just over a quater of you think Rob is a curser, with 'Fuuuuuck!' being his swear word of choice. While 17% of you reckon he quotes one of his movie lines - with an honourable mention going to Jacob'sBITCH for the hiarious 'How you likin' the rain, guurl?!'

Other great answers include Miss Funnyboogle's inspired 'Get off my dick!' and Can'tHelpIt's 'MINE!', while Roblor fans will love Chrys's 'Fuck yes, Taylor!'

Check back soon for another awesome RC poll - we'll make you scream' YES!'

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Happy Hump Day!

This is totally ridiculous, slightly weird and pretty fucking funny... therefore, we couldn't not put it in the Closet!

Fancy a bit of Edward/Carlisle? Check out the SlashBackSlash Awards!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Twang X-plosion Tuesday

Allow me to introduce you to #33 and #47 of the Kama Sutra.

Feel free to imagine yourself twisting around to fit these positions.

Poll Time! The Moment of Truth

Ooooh, we haven't had a good poll in ages, and seen as though our resident pollster MB has dramatically quit (*wipes tear*) it looks like I'll be taking the reins for this one. So.... we know what Rob's favourite position is, what Edward's jizz is like, and what kind of drunk Rob is - now it's time to ask another burning question:

What does Rob say during the moment of truth?

Given his favourite position, does he yell out 'Yeehaw!!' Or is he more of an UNF kinda guy?

RC Poll starts... NOW!

PS. You may be moderated if you answer 'Yes Stewy!!'

Taylor: I fucking love him but...

... you dropped $300,000.00 on a trailer?? Really???

I know you're hot shit and all (literally), but what could you possibly have in a trailer to make it cost so damn much?

As you may or may not have heard, Taylor is suing McMahon's RV dealership because they failed to deliver his ultra decked-out trailer by a specified date (read the article here).

I totally get why you're suing, I just don't get the need for such an expensive trailer, shiiiit!

I'm guessing it looked something like this:

Hey, how else does he stay in fit other than to run all around one of these bad boys??


I'm so grateful we have artists that can portray Elfward and Pedoward...

If we're lucky, Jasper Dean will grow up to actually look like this guy:

Thanks, Tina!!

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