Monday, May 31, 2010

Jackson says...

Of course we were only joking about the smoking thang. It was just an excuse to have Baby Jackson show us exactly how bad ciggies are... Just say no, folks!


We haven't had any Daddy C Fan Fails before so you might have been led to believe that Carlisle fans are more talented artists than the other Twitards.

Well, they're not.

Monkey Monday

It's World Non-Smoking Day, so there was only one song I could pick for today.... It's gotta be 'Smoke'. Ooh, I feel like such a rebel...

Rob's Closet Supports World Non-Smoking Day

We really, really do. Smoking is really unattractive... supposedly...

Only idiots smoke... erm...

Smoking does not make you look cool or sexy.... much...

OK, I give up... this is too fucking hot.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Googlewhack! "Are there real.."

It brings me great pleasure that millions of people have actually Googled this..

Shag Me Sunday

I've been waiting to post this one ever since H2b first posted this on twitter. I like what he's packing in this manip.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


This thing is seriously more fucked than the waxward from Madame Tussauds!

This bad boy is actually being auctioned on E-bay, and as of now, the going price is $1,400.00. Any bets on how much the seller can get for this? I also want to wager what the winner will DO with said silicone Rob. Puke!

Click here to see more pics of the silicone creepiness..

(....or to make a bid, we won't judge you.)


Screw Me Saturday

via lolypop82

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Caption Contest: And the winner is...

"Mmm, so your fuckstick* goes all the way down here... or is that the tail of the spider monkey?"

Congrats to Jasper's Girl for the hilarious winning caption!

*I had to change this word because JG used the banned 'p' word. Naughty!

Honourable mentions go to RP_Obsessed_KS....

Guy in blue robe *looking down bitch's pants* - "I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants."

Guy in red robe *looking at guy in blue robe* - "Wow, this guy is totally HOT. I wonder if he likes dudes..."

Rob *thinking to himself* - "Wait, I don't think, so I'm just going to stand here and smile and wait for this bitch to stop making a fool of herself."

Ellen *looking at lucky bitch* - "Wow, she has some honkers on her... We should make her run down the stairs again..."

...And LTM for this little gem!

"I really didn't think a lesbian would be encouraging a girl to blow me on national television, but while you're down there...."

Is it just me...

You've seen this picture once before, but never like this!

Is it just me... or does Robward actually look like the lolrus here?!


Edward and Bella.. WTF?!

I can't formulate anything beyond WHAT THE FUCK!?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Jackson Vs Aaron Johnson

While watching Eclipse win the Most Anticipated Movie Award at the at National Movie Awards, I did a double take when I thought Jackson was presenting the gong to Daddy C. On closer inspection, it turned out it was only Kick Ass star Aaron Johnson. But jeepers, does he look like The Rathboner! I felt it was my civic duty to, ahem, 'research' this further. Several hours later, I'm pleased to present you with my findings. Prepared to be freaked the fuck out.

(I may have been a bit gratuitous with the number of photos here, but I think you will forgive me.)

The Plaid Shirt Crouch Shot
The Cute-As-A-Button Shot
The 'I'm so hot I can throw on my dirty laundry and still look damn good' Shot
The White Vest Shot

The Sex Face Shot

I'm not sure I know who's who any more... Can I take the both? Thank you please.

Fan Fail on Glee!

Those pesky Twitards are really getting everywhere - they're even giving the rest of us a bad rep on Glee! Clearly Team RC are not the only ones to notice the similarities between the Cullens and the Gleeks. Check out this epic fan fail....

Tina: "My mom won't let me watch Twilight because she thinks Kristen Stewart looks like a bitch."

I can't think where she got that idea from...

Is it just me..

... or does Rob look like Gargamel from the Smurfs??


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Bananager Vs Bananaman

Both are heroes in their own way. Both have a penchant for wearing yellow. Both have big bananas. But who will win the Rob's Closet Phallic Fruit Face-Off?
(Pssst! If you didn't grow up in the UK in the '80s, you probably don't have a Scooby Doo who Bananaman is - so click here to learn all you need to know in 24 seconds. If you did grow up in the UK in the '80s, you're gonna fucking love this!)
Got it? OK, drum roll please....

Round 1: The Superhero Pose
Bananaman tries to win over the female vote with his super-powered banana-shaped vibrator, but the Bananager proves all you need is the perfect pout and a nice tie. Round 1 to the Bananager!

Round 2: Calendar Boys
The Bananager proves the power of armpit porn is not to be underestimated - even Bananaman's pecs don't stand a chance. Round 2 to The Bananager!

Round 3: Human Alter-Ego

Interestingly, they BOTH have banana phones... But considering Bananaman's alter-ego is nerdy schoolboy Eric, whereas The Bananager's real life identity is the lovely Marty, there can only be one winner. Round 3 to Marty! (Besides, it creeps me the fuck out that a skinny schoolboy can turn into a buff full-grown man just by eating a banana. WTF is that about?!)

Round 4: Who's your friend?
The Bananager hangs out with a whole bunch of sex gods. Bananaman has one friend... a crow. Go figure...

And the winner is....

Marty The Bananager!!

Follow us on Twitter @Robs_Closet

Sparkle Fail

Should have just gone with the sweaty guy excuse..

via fuckyeahtwilight

Fake Fan Fail

... but still stupid as shit. This twitpic must be the results from the Team Edward vs Team Jacob flowchart.

Thanks LTM and ohmy_feathers!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Fan Fail

If you thought the Edward Cullen sock puppet was amazing, you haven't seen anything yet.

Next in the line of Twilight Etsy products we have exclusive Edward and Jacob voodoo dolls!

(ok, they're a tiny bit cute.)

Source: i_luv_wolves via Twilight Crafts

Monkey Monday: Shy Water

Sunday, May 23, 2010


How dare she make Jackson so fucking ugly?

Thanks jactisminefoo!

Say What?! Eclipse Game Special

**TNV Spoiler Alert**

Emmett was ready to kill the person who gave him a Spock haircut.

Demetri just knew Alec had used the last of his hairspray.

Riley liked to sniff Victoria's panties before a battle.

Dr Cullen felt a little overdressed for the party on the Rez.
See all the pics from the game here.

Major Whitlock: I fucking love him but....


Shag Me Sunday

Sex Stare. That is all.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Is it just me..

.. or does Rob look a bit like Brendan Fraser when he's Jacob Jankowski??

Yes, yes, I know that "no one can compare to RPattz" and all that, but there's a slight resemblance, especially in B's younger days...

Screw Me Saturday

Lipporn, jawporn, neckporn and chestporn... all magnified just for you this Saturday.

via @UNF4Rob

Friday, May 21, 2010

Fuck Me Friday

I don't know if this is a manip** or not, but those biceps.. those lips...the look in his eyes?


**This just in: The pic is the real deal. Double Fuck Me. Thanks, everyone!

Fuck Me Friday: Kellan Special

Confession time: Sometimes I feel like I've seen so many pictures of Kellan with his kit off that I've become immune to the effects of his supreme buffness. But then sometimes I stumble across a photo like this that puts the 'Fuck... Me' into Fuck Me Friday.

How to Create Your Own Fan Fail

Yep, you've heard right, folks! Follow these five easy steps and, VOILA! You have a shitty drawing of Jane of the Volturi.

Step 1: Draw a twig and berries.

Step 2: Um, draw what looks like the hood and her chin. Careful on the jaw porn.

Step 3: Add in facial features.

Step 4: Shade shit in.

Final Step: Shade more shit in and let everyone else know who the fuck you just drew.

Ta-da! How'd your fan fail turn out? Click here if you don't believe that someone actually posted this shit.

Thanks LostinourThoughts!
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