Wednesday, March 31, 2010


...I know I should be filing this under 'WTF?' or 'Photoshop Fail', but I'm feeling more 'Is it just me...?'
As in, 'Is it just me.... or does anyone else want to jump in there?'

Poll Time! Wig Special

From Twilight's 'cup of noodles' do (courtesy of McFrito!) to Eclipse's 'soccer mom' wig via New Moon's 'dead poodle', Jasper's poor hair has been the ultimate Twi-fail.
Now, I have to admit, unlike RIMR, I kinda like the Eclipse wig - or maybe I've just been distracted by Jazz's sexy ninja moves...
What's your pet name for Jasper's hair?
Tell us in the comments section below!

Is it just me...

...or does this picture scream all kinds of divine 19th century S&M?

I'm usually not a sucker for top hats the way SOME are (*ah-HEM* RIMR), but that cane and those gloves are speaking to me. I like what they're saying.

Don't you just want him to bend you over in front of him and give you a little spank (or 12) with his leather-clad hands and then proceed to tap you with his cane? He looks SO ready and willing! Maybe later he'd let me wear the top hat...

Composure, MB. Regain composure!

Eclipse Still: WTF?!?!

Going against my better judgment (and TeamNOVids), I looked at the new Eclipse stills. My commentary?

Alice- hot. Rosalie - Wig WIN. Then my eyes darted to the person behind Carlisle. I thought "Woof. Esme looks hideous in Eclipse."


David Slade, you have failed us. Jasper's hair is worse than we could have ever imagined!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Red BOXERS Diaries?

*sobs* The Red Scarf was nowhere to be seen, snubbed in favour of the Red Tie - and perhaps, more excitingly, the Red Boxer Shorts!

Not only has the very awesome MAB (Team Alice) shared her fuckhot 100 Monkeys pictures with us - including a very steamy (literally) Jackson crotch shot - but she also revealed The Rathboner was wearing a pair of red undies! If I wasn't so grateful for these gorge pictures, I'd be carrying out the Spanish Inquistion to find out how exactly she gleaned that piece of information....

Stephenie: I fucking love her but... a novella?!

REALLY?! Stephenie, we've said it once and we'll say it again: You have no business reading or writing any other books unless you are finishing up Midnight Sun- I mean SHIT!

Come on, girl, if you're going to milk the Twilight cash cow, don't write about the newborn vamp that has like, 2 pages of face time in Eclipse.

Even Jodelle Ferland is like, "WTF, Steph..."

Poll Time: Tinsel Korey CONSPIRACY

Last week we wished New Moon's Tinsel Korey a fantastic 30th birthday. By the way, you're 30 and look that amazing? I fucking hate you!

On that post, something was brought to our attention. Craptastic, an exclusive RC commenter, showed us a blog that suggests Tinsel is really...INDIAN! No, I mean, like, really from India.

Quote from the blog, Newspaper Rock:

"People who knew her 'before' she was Native, or never believed her or went through the same questions I had. It was very disheartening to find out that it is all a ruse to get roles. Most people in BC, Alberta, and Saskatchewan know this that have worked with her and I'm not surprised that Anonymous heard from people in Toronto where she's from."

This made me stroke my Charlie Swan mustache. Chris Weitz wanted actors that were true to the book's description. Did Tinsel lie about where she's from in order to score a muffin in New Moon? Please, tell me...

Where is Tinsel Korey REALLY from?

My guess: Queens. And if she's lying, I'm not so sure she's really even 30!

RC Poll begins...RIGHT NOW!

Monday, March 29, 2010

This one's for you, RIMR...

OK, I know this has nothing to do with Rob or Twilight - but our girl RIMR has had her dreams shattered today, so show some respect, OK?

Out of Rob's Closet

You may have heard the news that a certain star has come out of the closet, and we just wanted to make it clear that here, at Rob's Closet, we love everyone** equally.

That being said, this picture below (an oldy but a goody) may or may not be one of my biggest fantasies. Holy Threesome.

Orange, yellow, black or white, even a werewolf who smells like shite, this site was made for me and you!

**werewolves don't really count as a someone when they are in wolf form.

Robert vs. Robert

HALE yes, bitches. With the exception of Rob Schneider, most men named Robert are majorly fuckhot. What other Rob contenders are there, you ask? Um... try Robert fucking Redford! Not only do these Robs cause knicker explosions wherever they go, but there are also some distinct similarities. Don't believe me? Check it:

1. The sunglasses are the ultimate panty dropper. I mean SHIT!

2. White shirt, check. Skinny black tie, check. Those facial expressions, do me now.

3. Both are excellent candidates for some serious jawporn..

4. Cue the adorable little black bow-tie and tousled hair, please.

5. FUCK! The beanie! Timeless.

6. Bel Ami and Butch Cassidy? I've already declared my love for men with top hats, no additional comments needed.

Is there a distinct age difference? Of course. I'm just saying, I'm certainly not kicking either Rob outta my bed! I'd even go for the Indecent Proposal (don't lie, you would, too!)

Monkey Monday - Arizona

Happy Monday, folks! The Red Scarf makes yet another star apperance, of course. This one's dedicated to TSH 'cos it's one of her fave Monkey songs! :)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

JACKSON: I fucking love him but...

...eating maggots is just WRONG!

(He still manages to make eating maggots look sexy though...)

Poll Results: New Moon DVD

Now this is a first. I have to say that even though I polled everyone, I'm still a bit confused when it comes to what's best about your version of the New Moon DVD. "Why, MB?" you may ask. This is why...

*Drum roll please*


Sooo...when are you going to get it?? I know, three fingers are pointing back at me. I'm going! I'm going!

*Grabs Discover Card and heads out the door*

*Comes back*

Oh, but before I go, here's the breakdown!

As you can see, over a third of our ladies can't help me out on this one because they have yet to get their own New Moon 8-Disc Ultimate Crazed Fan Special Edition Platinum-Embossed Fuck-awesome Blue Ray DVD Slumber Party Pack. Everyone else is confused as hale on which one to buy. Wal-Mart, Target, Wal-Mart, Target...ahhh!!! What am I gonna do with you bitches? Ah, I still fucking love you but...nothing!

Check back soon for the next RC Poll! And I mean DO IT this time!

*Runs out the door, Discover Card in tow*

Dude Looks Like A Lady

Some techno-geeks at The Sun newspaper (yes, the 'quality' rag than ran the story of Rob 'admitting' he was dating K-Stew) have created this computer generated pic of what RPattz would look like if he was a woman.
I don't know about you, but I think the Rob's Closet versions of Lady Rob - here and here - are WAY hotter!

Friday, March 26, 2010

I promised!

So I promised those of you with a wolf fetish that I would, in the wake of our sexy pic of Rob, deliver to you an unbelievably sexy picture of Jacob Black.  This picture is so highly charged and may cause knicker explosions for all you wolfpack girls so I can't publish it here... Its just that dirty!


I will link it and you can, when alone and calm, click the link for immediate TWANGIES!!

Sure it doesn't do it for me, but then I am All About Edward after all!!

Fan FAIL! Who the fuck are these weirdos?

Em... I'm baffled, this was voted best fan art on another Twi-site. Really? Who is it supposed to be?

Okay so the girl may have some slight resemblance to Kristen Stewart but the lad? Who the hell is THAT?

Looks like an extra from a Guy Ritchie movie...

Around the world...

Ha! While again putting my three favorite words into google (Rob + Naked + Please) I came across this hilarious website called Global Robsession... Its hilarious! Check it out....

Michaelangelo was a twi-hard? Damn those birds!!
Robsession on Easter Island?? 

One more... my favorite...

Aerob Perspective!

Pretty cool huh? Thanks for these Global Robsession!!

Fuck Me Friday

Rob: Often imitated, never duplicated.

Sometimes I want to see him in only those sweet Ray Bans! (And yes, I mean only.)

HAPPY WEEKEND BITCHES! Watch that New Moon DVD nonstop!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Wax The Fuck: Part III

OK, I'm not going to sit on the fence about this one - the new Rob waxworks are craptastic.
Yes, I appreciate they took hours and hours of painstaking work to create. Fine, I know most of the sculpting was done from pictures because Rob is too busy being fuckhot and banging K-Stew (probably) to pose for them.
Could I do a better job myself?
Hale yes!

I know, I know.... It looks EXACTLY like Rob, doesn't it? I'm that good.

WTF?! Another March 25th Birthday?

Whoops, sorry, Tinsel! I was so excited over Kiowa's Birthday that I had completely forgotten it was yours. Soooo..

Happy Birthday to that one girl who plays Sam Uley's girlfriend. Maybe if you were in more than one scene, we wouldn't have forgotten about ya, hehe!

Holy shit! I just googled how old Tinsel is, and she's 30! I fucking hate her, she is so gorgeous. And I thought our man Chaske looked good for his age--- he ain't got nothin' on Tinsel!

(And now back to Kiowa)

Wax the Fuck, Part II

You may remember our newest 'ward', Quiffward, but can you tell the finished product apart from the real Rob?!

One of these things is not like the other one..

The fangirls go crazy over both Robs, how to tell the difference?!

GAH! Such a mindfuck! We're confused, too, Robby baby.

Thanks a lot, Madame Tussauds.


Eh... I'm not one for the 'PORN' that I keep seeing everytime I google 'Naked + Edward + Twangies' - I mean COME ON GUYS! We are women, we want sexy shots not some bad manip of Robs face photoshopped onto some manky dude with his lad out for all to see... We want the twangies!! That little woo hoo that we get from lemony fanfics!! Not to come face to face with a massive lovetube centre frame! Get it?

So I was very excited (and not just in the pance) when I came across this gem! A certain Mrs Moth sent this in with a huge smile on her face and a very overstuffed laundry basket under her arm.

This is what we're after...MORE!! MORE!!!

Holy Moly... Its Rob-TASTIC!! No need to thank me!

I might have one for the Wolf girls later so stock up on those Puppy Pads!!

(pic courtesy of twitpic and reijilie)


Oh snap, Baby's Daddy turns 2o today!!

Make no mistake, there have been some serious ups and downs with Mr. Gordon this year. From crazy outfits and even crazier outfits to failed relationships-- this past year could have gone better. Don't worry, Kiowa, I'll always fucking love you but... nothing.

I started to post all of my favorite pics of him, but then I realized you couldn't fit 3,680 pictures into one post (dammit!). Alas, I have narrowed it down to my top 4, in honor of the birthday boy!

UNF! x 1000

Happy Birthday, Kiowa! How's about some birthday suit pics? :-D

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Poll Time! New Moon DVD Edition

I hope everyone has had a chance to thoroughly examine all of the little nuggets of gold in their "New Moon" 8-Disc Ultimate Crazed Fan Special Edition Platinum-Embossed Fuck-awesome Blue Ray DVD Slumber Party Pack**.

Unfortunately, due to situations out of my control, yours truly hasn't bought hers yet. I know, I know: I suck. But I'm going to need a little help. So, please, tell me...

What is the best thing about YOUR copy of the "New Moon" DVD?

Feel free to be completely biased. This is your baby, after all. It could be something you never knew about the movie before, a deleted bit that should have stayed, behind-the-scenes footage, the commentary, or the fact that it is dubbed in Punjabi! (Yeah, I don't think that's true...) Either way, help a sister out, will ya? Please and thanks. :)

RC Poll begins...RIGHT NOW!

**NOTE: The "New Moon" 8-Disc Ultimate Crazed Fan Special Edition Platinum-Embossed Fuck-awesome Blue Ray DVD Slumber Party Pack does not exist and is not for actual sale. If you are interested, join the crowd.

I knew I knew him from somewhere!

I spent the whole time watching New Moons Jasper with a frown on my face... Something was spooking me, something making my backbone shiver....

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Spare a thought....

...for poor Bob. Whaddya mean, 'Who's Bob?' You know... Bob.... from Bob's Bikes. Everyone knows good ole' Bob! Well... at least they did until Chris Weitz DELETED his scene from New Moon! (Click here if you haven't seen it yet.)

Poor Bob. This time last year he was probably telling all his family and friends how he'd landed a role in 'that new Twilight movie' and how it was his bikes that K-Stew and Tay-Tay would be getting all hot 'n' heavy over. He even had a couple of lines, godammit! So imagine his dismay when Bob turned up to the midnight screening of New Moon (I doubt he was invited to the premiere) only to find his entire scene had been CUT!

Well Bob, here at Rob's Closet, we fucking love you BUT NOTHING! So we are going to give you your 15 minutes of fame right here, right now - by putting you right at the heart of some of the key New Moon scenes....

You're welcome, dude.
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