Saturday, October 31, 2009

Its too much... I can't take it...

I read a tweet of JP's yesterday that said it perfectly.  It simply read "This man! THIS MAN!" with a link to the vanity fair shoot pics.  Then today, again with the Rob pics....

This man! THIS MAN!!! He makes me lose all control of myself....he warps my mind...he takes my fucking breath away... *thud*

I need xanex.

(Thanks to Thinking of Rob for this amazing untagged version...)

Jimmy Fallon IS Robert Pattinson... Happy Halloween!

Send your Twilight inspired Halloween costumes good though preferabley bad for our Halloween FAN FAIL special!! Email us your pics at


This is the picture to accompany an online "How To" called: Halloween, How To recreate the Twilight Vampire Look.


*frantically flicks through books*


Is it just me? A Twihard revelation!!

How to know you are a Twi-hard...

So me and Leydy and LCB were chatting this morning, Leydy was in the queue for the Twitours at the time and bitched about the seeming lack of actual fans in the queue.  I knew exactly what she was talking about, and so did LCB. See when I was queuing to see the good doctor during his visit to Dublin, I came across this phenomenon.  The ‘fans’ in the queue around me didn’t seem to be too up on their Twi-trivia, in fact they seemed to have barely heard of Twilight at all.

Example: The girls in front of me didn’t know what the Wolf Pack was, and they didn’t know there was Teams. I felt like such a weirdo explaining the latter...they looked at me like I was speaking Klingon which i suppose, to them I was.

'Cause Ladies we need to admit it - We are fucking Trekkies for Twilight.  No two ways about it.  Twi-hards are not as common as you’d think! Sure everyone loves Twilight, everyone loves Rob, why wouldn’t they? BUT a girl in a Twilight queue with LCB didn’t know the name of Taylor Lautner’s character.  To us it is one and the same, we’ve even mashed em up! 

Whereas I find this downright offensive at anything Twi-related, I'm not too bothered by this in everyday life, I mean at a recent party I was approached by a woman who started our conversation by saying, 

“Oh I hear you are quite the twilight nut! Me too!!”

I was cautious but opened my closet door a little and said “Yes, are you excited about New Moon?” 
to which she replied, “What’s that?”...


Turns out she hadn't realised there were books at all...

So, lets point out what makes a Twi-hard different from someone who “loves Twilight”

we’ll refer to those others as TWI-Lights and us, the Twi-hards.

    • TWILights do not notice if Mushroom Ravioli is written on a menu.
    • TWILights see a magazine with KStew on the cover and think “hmmm is that the girl from twilight?”  - they are not buying ten copies in the vague hope that she mentions Twilight.
    • TWILights do not laugh hysterically whenever they hear someone say “google it”
    • TWILights are like Twihards in that they may have borrowed the books the first time they read them, however they didn’t rush out and buy every copy of every book Stephanie Meyer even fucking looked at in the shop afterwards. 
    • TWILights do not know the surnames, nor the christian names of every single cast member of the Twilight Saga. They do not know what other movies they are in, where they live, who they are married to, where they are on the planet at that moment, what their last tweet was and what their favorite scene to shoot was. 
    • TWILights do not wish Stephanie Meyer would finish Midnight Sun, they have not heard of Midnight Sun.
    • TWILights do not own standees.
    • TWILights may stand in line to see cast members but they do not weep while doing so. 
    • TWILights own only one copy of theTwilight movie if any at all.
    • TWILights do not rush to bookstands selling the Twilight Saga and rub the books. They have a copy, more copies do not excite them.
    • TWILights think ‘unicorns’ are mythical horses, don’t blush at the word ‘kitty’ nor do they say ‘cookie’ when they have had enough of something.
    • TWILights may know the names of some of the Volturi, they do not know the names of the wives.
    • TWILights are not jealous when a friend gets a postcard from Montepulciano.
    • TWILights don’t suffer from Twitter Thumb.
    • TWILights actually mind their children. They don’t put them in a box with a packet of cookies while they drool over new RPattz pictures...

I could go on forever, but my thumbs are aching and I need to go check my kids aren’t out of their box.  

Have you anymore examples? Love to hear them Ladies!!


...Theres more...*Thud*

Oh to be that jumper...

Oh to be that bottle.... (Fucks sake the guy looks hot in a plastic bib for crying out loud!)

Friday, October 30, 2009

Warning: This man may ruin your marriage/relationship.


Good God! Robert Pattinson may very well ruin my marriage. He's the bane of my husband's existence. He loathes him. I fucking love him!

Just look at him!


I am so sex driven right now.

These are the pics from the upcoming Vanity Fair Dec issue. Thanks to ThinkingofRob

And the Oscar goes to....

In response to my darling RIMRs reliving of Twilight in preparation for New Moon, I would like to put forward my favorite scene from the movie for you all to reminisce.

You can see here the exquisite direction by Catherine Hardwicke, determined to make Bella seem real. A real girl, just like you or I, getting with an unreal guy...

A real girl, with real life body expulsions... some more real then others...

Video by me. Thanks Me!! LOL

Kristen Stewart vs Adam Lambert

So this post was inspired by the new Adam Lambert album cover. I clicked on the link and it was an instant revelation. There's no denying it.. these two have a lot more in common than anyone could imagine. So, without further ado- we shall compare the Twilight actress with this year's American Idol's runner up:

Who rocks the 'I-have-weird-short-black-unisexual' hairstyle better?

The weird up-close-and-personal somewhat colored magazine/album cover. I think they have the same eye make-up...

The all black rocker style. Dammit- Adam's look is a little more effeminate here, but at least he's smiling..

Lastly, who makes the better Joan Jett?!

Shut up- you know they resemble one another, you know it! I really think Adam would have made a beautiful Bella...

And the Oscar goes to....

With New Moon literally just around the corner, I was thinking about some of my favorite scenes from Twilight. What will my favorite scene be in New Moon? Will it be able to top my all time favorite movie scene ever?

Which scene is my favorite, you ask? This is probably, hands down, my favorite scene in Twilight. I pray every night that amazing scenes like this get carried on throughout the saga. Please note that this scene beats out my other favorites like, "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" and "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

So.. here it is. Prepare yourself for some of the BEST acting.. ever!!

From now on, if I ever say 'NO', I'd like you to picture me saying it like this. Stuttering, blinking and all.

Video made exclusively for us by AAE


Here at Rob's Closet, as you can imagine, there are a LOT of smelly clothing items (beanie, flannel shirt, black pants etc, etc). Rob does NOT do laundry very often- but boy do we love it when people air their dirty laundry!

And here it is, the newest and hottest gossip TRUTH:

Not-so-new, but, Ahh, the news that nearly broke my heart (PSHPSHWSHWSH I heard he proposed to her on the set of New Moon, and Twilight, and Eclipse)

HAL-LE-MOTHER-LOVIN'-LUJAH!!!! Not that I ever even acknowledged them as a couple, but this came out earlier this week and I've been celebrating this week.

*whispers whispers* I heard that Kristen broke it off with Rob because he wanted to get super serious and get married and have kids and blah, blah, blah.

Then I heard Rob broke it off with Kristen because she accidentally called him Michael. (Welch, Not Oregano)

I don't know about you all- but I'm running out of cute outfits here at Rob's Closet. Laundry time!

Tattoo or not tattoo....

I know you've seen this before but how fucked off would you be if you wanted a tattoo of Edward Cullen a.k.a Rob Pattinson and ended up with a tattoo that looked more like a balding cross between Dane Cook and Anthony McPartlin?

You are my life now. Never a truer word was jabbed under the skin of a complete fucking idiot.

Refund please.

What I hear.

Since first being privileged to have a unicorn while listening to Rob Pattinson sing like a sex god on the Twilight soundtrack, well, something has bugged me.

I have checked the lyrics posted online for 'Never Think' and I am sorry but they are wrong - all of them. Much like the constant scarlet pimpernel that is Robsten, the lyrics of Never Think are posted as What they WANT you to believe not what ACTUALLY is.

So I made this video showing what it is that Rob really says during this song. NOW tell me there is no such thing as Robsten! We've all seen KStew - She never showers!

And so I reveal them... The REAL lyrics. Have a listen and tell me - TELL ME - if I'm wrong.


Ha! So you all denied it! So you all said I was DELUSIONAL!! I told you and told you and told you and told you and told you and told you and told you and told you and FUCKING TOLD YOU!!

Now NOW I have proof and you will all have to kiss my ASS!!!

EXCLUSIVE TO ROBS CLOSET THE FIRST PICTURES OF ROBSTEN KISSING!! KISSING!!! Oh I have gone through seventeen pairs of underwear already this morning looking at this picture - OH MY GOD I SAID SEVENTEEN!! Its a sign... its A SIGN!!!

I was RIGHT!! Robsten ARE a couple... My whole life has meaning... I am complete.


I have to admit this next piece of fan art is actually amazing! Well done Drawer!!

BUT still a big fucking FAN FAIL!! Guess why? Its proudly displayed HERE as a picture of Taylor Lautner.

Eh no....
Its my man, Steven Strait... Now THAT is a Fan Fail!!


PUT the pencils away People!

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Just what I needed! A Robert Pattinson cross-stitch sampler.

My life is now complete.

(Thanks Laura!)

Sex Face II - Rob Special

Apologies to all Rob fans for ruining your fantasies with my slightly humorous RPattz sex face earlier. Hope this makes up for it...

Click here for a unicorn-tastic soundtrack to your perv-fest...

Sims New Moon...!

Ha ha... my sims Edward is a LOT sexier.

Bean you missed one.

Jackson's sex face when he is alone.

Sex Face!


Rob: "Fuuuucksten!" // Jackson: "I neeeeed it!" // Kellan: "Oh, you dirty McWhore!"


Chaske: "Holy Jorts!" // Paulex: "Hot dawg!" // Taylor: "..." (Not til he's legal - Ed)

And the winner is...

Congrats to Lutz of Love for correctly guessing the body parts of Dr Frankenbean's Monster! (OK, she got it on the second attempt but that was better than the rest of you!) LoL is now the proud owner of the ultimate Twi-guy (pictured below).

1. Hair = Rob
2. Eyes = Jackson
3. Nose = Kellan
4. Lips = Jackson
5. Teeth = Rob
6. Chest = Kellan
7. Arms = Charlie
8. Abs = Taylor
9. Popsicle = Daniel
10. Booty = Paulex
11. Legs = Chaske
12. Feet = Rob
Well done also to Dutchie Girl, who got all 12 answers right (but a little bit later than LoL) - DG will receive 2nd place prize of Rob's tongue.
Runner up prizes: Rob's armpit for RIMR; Rob's hands for AAE; Rob's eyebrows for Ash; PFach's right shoulder for LCTB; Charlie's right ear for Jo; Rob's chin for RPattzDreamer; Rob's legs for Patzy; Taylor's bicep for ILW; and I think I have run out of Rob parts so JP can have Jackson's mohawk.

Emergency Filler Post :)

Thanks RIMR.....but your last post was just too good:) Now we don't feel worthy to post....while we think of these clips :)

This one is for girls who like the man who is hard and ice cold :) With (as we are informed by ability to last for hours with no need for recovery time...... *gulp*

Oh..... and this clip was made by AllAboutEdward :) She clearly has TOO much time on her hands :) What does her hubby think of this hobby i wonder :)


This one is for the girls who like the man who is hot and vibrating....ready to fursplode for you at any moment :) And um....did i forget to say is willing to walk around shirtless for you all day...EVERYDAY :)

Just remember.......NO sexual thoughts till next year!!!!  So i hope you just listened to the music and kept your thoughts clean!! Tough break wolf girls :)

Nicnixs :)


Time for some new vocab, folks! We all know (and loathe) CRAPSTEN -formerly known as the 'R' word that shall not be mentioned on this site- and that they have been a thorn in the side of all Rob fans. Well.. now the tables have turned..

Alas! All those Team Taylor fans finally get a taste of what this feels like! Be prepared to understand why we hate CRAPSTEN, and why we now love CRAPLOR!

Look at their body language, they are SO trying to pretend they don't love each other

OMG! OMG! Look at that kiss?! They have so much on screen chemistry. You are an idiot if you cannot see their connection. This is NOT acting, people! This is true love!

Look at them hold hands! They are so freaking cute! And they have the same name! They just need to come out and say they are together (although you are a blind idiot if you don't see the connection).

Look at Taylor (the boy). His face is so sad. He's probably mad at SUMMIT for having to hide his relationship. Summit and Big Machine Records: Free CRAPLOR!!

He is NOT doing a sexy smoldering look here. He is very sad because he misses girl Taylor. DUH!!!

Hand on the small of her back? I can't wait to see their wedding pics in OK! Magazine..

And there you have it, folks. Doesn't sit well, does it, Taycob fans? I, for one, can't wait for them to procreate. This couple is the ONLY thing I will ever talk about Twilight related- and I will not shut my big mouth up about it. Taylor + Taylor = 2gether 4ever. (insert stupid "oh, I love them" sentences here). Please don't mind me forcing my opinion of them down your throat- or making outrageous comments (not so outrageous with actual pics) about them. CRAPLOR CRAPLOR AND MORE CRAPLOR!

Oh, and Kellan fans. We haven't forgotten about you..

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

New Moon trailer spoof

Hello kiddies...just wanted to share this video with you all. Hope you like it. The guy playing Jake is hilarious...does he run out of an outhouse??????

LMAO..... Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!

I fucking LOVE him, but........NOT this picture.

In Rob's sexy voice....

"Come on. Let's be simple about this."

The Ultimate Twi-guy

Mwuhahahahahahahaha! Velcome to Dr Franken-bean's lab! *thunderclap* As All Hallows Eve draws nigh, join me in my vunderbar experiment to create a masterpiece as never seen before. A piece of vamp here, a limb of wolf there - stitch it all together and vat do you get? *lightning strike*

The ultimate Twi-guy!
But who does each body part belong to?
1. The 'do - no one can do the just-been-shagged bouff like this hottie
2. The eyes... *swoon*
3. The nose... Cute as a button!

4. The lips... This pout could give La Jolie a run for her money

5. The teeth... Thank god for substandard British dentistry!

6. The chest... This guy's nipples are always pleased to see you!

7. The arms... Guns!

8. The 8-pack... Not the only kind of pack this cutie is into...

9. The, ahem, trouser area... 6ft 8ins - and that's only his height! ;)

10. The bootay... Tighty-whities have never looked so good
11. The Legs.... This hunk sure can rock a pair of Jorts

12. The feet... Big feet, large... shoes
Whoever guesses all 12 body parts correctly wins Dr Franken-bean's monster!
*evil laugh*

Yeh its old but I love it....

This was linked to the hilarious video Nixs posted earlier and okay so I know most of you have seen it but maybe some of you haven't! Its very clever, oh wait I forgot where I was blogging, its very FUCKING clever and has some FUCKING hilarious bits! AND its yet another opportunity to see HOTWARD looking every so fuckable...


For lovers of Family Guy and Twilight :)

Um...go to the bathroom before you watch :) We can be held responsible for any accidents :)

Who doesn't love Peter singing :)

Nicnixs ;)

Twilight Bunnies :)

A quick re-Cap of twilight :) Before we go to see new moon :)

The acting is MUCH better :)

Oops...the original clip was removed from youtube :) But i found another :)


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Rob Vs.... Damon Salvatore

Ask and ye shall receive... Following our Rob Vs Stefan Salvatore post, some of you (*cough*Patzy*cough*) thought it would be a fairer fight between Robward and Stefan's naughty brother, Damon. I think I would have to agree... *waves Team Damon flag*

So let's see how our favourite virgin, veggie vamp measures up against Vampire Diaries' bite-'em-and-bonk-'em bad boy.

1. The Meadow scene... Who would you like to give you grass stains?

2. The mean 'n moody stare - who gives the best eye-fuck?

3. The shirtless shot... Hint: Damon is not trying to get himself killed in this scene. ;)

4. Coat-off! The goody-two-shoes pea coat or bad boy leather jacket?

I think #4 could be the decider!
Who will win? In the words of Damon himself: "That's for me to know and you to dot dot dot."
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